Don't know if it is over

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Don't know if it is over
6
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 4:35am
I can't sleep. I don't know if it is over. I am scared that it is. There seems to be less and less. He spends more time away from me. I have moved recently and do not have friands here and have lost my license recently for a few months so that is even worse. I am spending quite a bit of time alone because he has taken on some new projects that I know mean alot to him but it is very hard on me. I don't even know why I'm posting or what I'm looking for. I'm scared and sad. I don't know how to get it back or if I should even try. It just seems that evrything is wrong lately and when we have a good day it is followed by a bad night. *sigh*
Any input is welcome and let me know if you've ever been here and how it turned out.
Tks.
Miss
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 9:58am
Yes, I think we've all struggled with not knowing. I think what you need to ask yourself is what you want. Do you want to fight for this relationship or do you want to be able to move on? I think it greatly depends on how you got to this place. I think you need to focus on yourself right now. It really helps when you take care of yourself and start thinking all about you and what you want your life to look like. It's from that place that you'll be able to make a decision about how to respond to the position you're in. Good luck and keep up posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 11:47am

Sorry you're going through that, the uncertain is very scary.


That said, it seems like (and pardon the bluntness) you're doing everything in your power to help this spiral down

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 4:09pm

cocoparis- how true. I agree.

I find, though, since it has been so long since I have been on my own I don't even really recognize what I like. I broke up with him once 2 1/2 years ago and I was so depressed- even knowing all about focusing on me- I just wandered around and lacked interest in anything and am seriously concerned about ending up there again.
A couple things, now that I think of it, that helped was being told that I am never really alone and someone also suggested that I get audio tapes of meditation and cretivce visualization etc to help.

I have found out a few other pecies of informaiton since I have posted this and have chosen to end it- but have not done it yet. I just haven't figured out how.

Thanks for your words,
Miss

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 4:18pm

Thanks Sandra- I doubt you missed your mark it sounds right to me-

There are a couple things though- he demanded so much of me that it did not allow me time to do new things and pursue my interests- although that was in line with my inclination anyway. I've always devoted myself to the guy and darn it I won't do it like that again- but this one pushed and pushed until anything that took attention away from him was out of the picture. I let that happen.

Next- no- really very little public transportation. The only bus is 11 miles away and I am currently paying about $800.00 a month for taxis to and from the bus so that I keep my job. So really very little there- believe me- I've researched it.

Since this post I have found out a few things and decided that I need to end it but am taking my time so I can be clear in what I want and don't want from the outcome.

Regardless - if you've got tips on developing my interests I'm all ears.

I hate it but it is true that I am scared of being alone- but I think being in a rotten relationship is worse.

Thanks,
Miss

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 2:51am

I totally agree with coco. It's about what you want. Fight or flight. If you do choose to fight, just remember that you are putting yourself in-line to get hurt later on if it doesn't work out again.

Nothing in life is ever certain, so you need to make the best decision for YOU!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 3:23pm

Just to chime in my two cents here...

After my recent breakup, I asked him to consider fighting for us. For him. For me. I told him that I was willing to fight for us, and I believe that our problems were not the type that lead to an inability to reconcile. I cried. I opened up to him and I told him everything I felt and how he made me feel inside. Things I for some reason thought that he just knew...

We lost our fight last week... because he couldn't continue to fight for us and I couldn't have a one sided battle for something that he didn't want to save.

We never argued. We didn't stop getting along... he just gave up on us because he thought I didn't love him anymore.

I did. I do. But it's the friendship and the companionship and the deep trust and sense of security that I miss. It's not so much the romance.

I wasn't looking for a fairy tale... and I should have been.

But he was bad for me because of ME. I stopped living to be and do for him... I stopped living. and he felt that. He knew that it was the same for him - and neither of us asked the other to do this, it just happened.

I think that a brief seperation is a good idea in situations like this - to pull inside of yourself for a while and to find out whether a two sided battle is agreeable.

Only you will know if it matters once you take the time to step back and really think long and hard. Hearing the words... "It's not worth fighting for..." is the hardest thing I ever had to do. But, you know what... it wasn't worth me fighting for it either once I realized that he is gone already and has been for a long time.

It's been a week and a half... and my soul aches. But I know that change is painful. But from the ashes a phoenix will rise.

Any don't get me wrong... I'm not holding out hope of his return some time in the future... But I will ALWAYS love him. Even if this part of our lives together has come to an end....