dont know wat to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
dont know wat to do
8
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 3:58pm
I was messing with guy for a year and out of nowhere he says he doesn’t wanna see me anymore and broke up in june 06. it was very hard for me to let go b/c I became very attached , and lost all type of contact with him. In October of 06 he calls me and work things out and gave it another shot by November we had broken up, now its been 8 months and ive seem him no more that 3 times by coincidence just b/c his best friend is my cousins boyfriend, so he saw me around my way on Friday and then on Saturday he calls me and we were talking and I say to him “that’s weird your calling me” ( since we had 8 months we hadn’t spoken only for my birthday and the 2 or 3 times we bumped into each other) and he says oh no I was just calling to congratulate u I heard r going to graduate next week and u have a great job with one of the countries top insurance company…. Then he goes oh imm gonna be in contact with you some maybe we can go to the movies sometime…so obviously he’s been asking around for me and what I have been up to, also my cousins boyfriend told me he had asked him if I had been with someone else like a month ago…. I still care for him and have feelings for him….but at the same time I don’t wanna get my hopes up…. Wat do u guys think is going on….
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 1:13am
By his actions the guy wants to continue with "the messing around", BUT not bin the area of getting serious at all. You're emotionally invested an wish for more, but he's not. He appears in your life when he's dateless or wants to mess around.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2007
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 8:08am

I think it's all bs. I think you need to come up to him and honestly tell him 'hey, i really care for you, a lot'. Give him an ultimatum...you want to be with me, great. you don't no problem but just ask him to clearly state what he wants. If you are happy with occasional sex and a call here and there when it starts itching him then we don't have a problem here. However, we know you want more. If he's not ready to offer you more and it doesn't seem like he is otherwise he would swoop you off your feet, call you, come by your house, keep calling etc. then you need to stop everything before you really get in love cause then the s*** will really hit the fan and then you'll really know what it is to be sad.

Hope I wan't too harsh. I think I'm trying to convince myelf to do the same as I have a similar problem but of course am not strong enough to cut myself of. eh...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 2:08pm
Hi ashley3220 - I'm just chiming in today I agree with lightandbright.




iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2007
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 9:01pm
I would have to agree with the previous post. I was in a similar situation myself. Whenever we were together we always had a good time, we connected mentally and physically. It was really hard to finally cut him off but i did. Once I realized that all I was, was a convenience to him I had no choice but to end it. I came to the conclusion that even though I enjoyed his company, it wasn't worth it....I am nobodies convenience that they pick up when they want to and disappear when they have other things to do. Don't even get trapped into being his "pass-the-time" girl because you are not the one! Yeah he calls and shows interest from time to time, in between his "down" periods. You have feelings for him so it isn't even "safe" for you to play around like you can handle his casual contact. You have given him chances in the past and he has failed...he has already proven that he isn't worthy of your time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 9:53am
thanx 4 da advice, yea i know its true what you say, and i know that myself, i repeat to myslef thousands of time you wouldnt even imagen, but i just dont know how to say no to him, i know u nderstand what i mean since you said u went through a similar situation, but im going to let go no matter what i feel, its just not mean to be... actually i got a date for this friday so i hope i can move on and leave him in the past.... thnx once again for the advice i greatly appreciate it...take care
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 10:01am
girl i know wat u mean its so hard to let go and i tell myself thats it im not going to pick up the calls, im not going to see him anymore etc, but i just dont know how to say no...and its clear in my mind that this isnt going anywhere if it keeps going the same way it is now but i set myself already to let go no matter what i feel because in the long run its jus gonna hurt me everytime we stop seeing each other more than what it already does you know...we dont deserve this, its time to move on to bigger and better things, i actully have a date on friday... i hope i can move onand leave this guy in the past... anyway thanx for the comment it really help i appreciate it
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2007
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 7:42am
seems hes very selfish only cares about whats good 4 him.dont do it get out now.im kinda going through the same thing.a little difrent.write back
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 1:30pm

You are a convenience to him. Someone who will wait around for him so he can use you. I know how much you hurt and how long it takes to get over someone you really loved, but you deserve better and should treat yourself as such. The story has already played out twice. How more times does it have to play before you get the message?

Be good to yourself and cut him off at least until you heal. Sometimes exes can be friends, but neither can be in love with the other for a true friendship.