Don't know what to think anymore
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Don't know what to think anymore
| Wed, 12-06-2006 - 1:53am |
Don't know where to start or really what to say. I guess I should just start with what I'm thinking right now huh?
I just recently broke up with my b/f but don't know why it happened. MOst of you guys are gonna say well you'll find someone better or don't give up...etc. My situation is this...back in feb. I started to take notice and sate this guy. I felt like him and I had a connection right away but since I've been hurt by guys before I decided to take it slower then I normally would. I had an unfortunate DWI and he took care of me that night and made sure I was taken care of because my parents were out of town. It really showed that night that he cared about me, but still I took it slow and he didn't rush things either because he knew about my mishaps with guys and he said he didn't want to hurt me. The first 6 months was great except for a few times I felt 2nd in his life to the bar we always go to. (That should have been my first clue). The thing is he would always call me and let me know where he was and what he was doing and want me to hang out with him. to make a long story short'er' anyways. He had decided he wanted to move in with me(under no pressure by me at all, this is what HE wanted to do.) As soon as he moved in he started to go to the bar more and he didn't invite me to come along for like the last month of our relationship. So to make him realize I wanted at least a phone call every once in awhile I wrote him a note basicaly saying I wish he cared more about me then the car. He got mad at the note and didn't even want to talk to me about it. Now it's been a few more weeks since then and he wants to just be friend. Now I never told him he couldn;t go out or accuse him of not wating to be with me but at least one night a week it would have been nice if he wanted to go out with just me......
Now he is just wanting to be friends....he says he doesn't know what he's doing or what he wants. He's 29 I'm 24 but I really feel like him and me were in thesame place. Wanted to be together but not married yet. Not at all the right time or mental situation. I didn't pressure him in any way or anything. Now after he says he just wants to be friends he still won't answer my questions about why he doesn't want to be with me or what he was feeling when he decided to move in with me. He says I'm a great girl and he's probably being just stupid and confised right now. But how does that make me feel. Confused and irratated with the situation.
I know we are broken up but I still want to try to maybe just give him some space for a while and maybe he'll finally realize he's being stupid to break up with me. Am I just being delusional? What should I do now? How do I find out his real intentions?
I just recently broke up with my b/f but don't know why it happened. MOst of you guys are gonna say well you'll find someone better or don't give up...etc. My situation is this...back in feb. I started to take notice and sate this guy. I felt like him and I had a connection right away but since I've been hurt by guys before I decided to take it slower then I normally would. I had an unfortunate DWI and he took care of me that night and made sure I was taken care of because my parents were out of town. It really showed that night that he cared about me, but still I took it slow and he didn't rush things either because he knew about my mishaps with guys and he said he didn't want to hurt me. The first 6 months was great except for a few times I felt 2nd in his life to the bar we always go to. (That should have been my first clue). The thing is he would always call me and let me know where he was and what he was doing and want me to hang out with him. to make a long story short'er' anyways. He had decided he wanted to move in with me(under no pressure by me at all, this is what HE wanted to do.) As soon as he moved in he started to go to the bar more and he didn't invite me to come along for like the last month of our relationship. So to make him realize I wanted at least a phone call every once in awhile I wrote him a note basicaly saying I wish he cared more about me then the car. He got mad at the note and didn't even want to talk to me about it. Now it's been a few more weeks since then and he wants to just be friend. Now I never told him he couldn;t go out or accuse him of not wating to be with me but at least one night a week it would have been nice if he wanted to go out with just me......
Now he is just wanting to be friends....he says he doesn't know what he's doing or what he wants. He's 29 I'm 24 but I really feel like him and me were in thesame place. Wanted to be together but not married yet. Not at all the right time or mental situation. I didn't pressure him in any way or anything. Now after he says he just wants to be friends he still won't answer my questions about why he doesn't want to be with me or what he was feeling when he decided to move in with me. He says I'm a great girl and he's probably being just stupid and confised right now. But how does that make me feel. Confused and irratated with the situation.
I know we are broken up but I still want to try to maybe just give him some space for a while and maybe he'll finally realize he's being stupid to break up with me. Am I just being delusional? What should I do now? How do I find out his real intentions?

Oh my...minus the living together part and some specifics...this sounds A LOT like what my ex said to me when we broke up. Unfortunately, we didn't really have any big problems, NOR did I have any real warning signs. Anyway...your best bet? Leave him alone. NO CONTACT is the most important thing for you right now, as hard as that is. (I'm assuming he no longer lives with you?) This is a guy who SUPPOSEDLY doesn't know what he wants. And since that's the only explanation you really got, assume that it's true. Why do I say that? Because the ONLY way for him to realize what he wants is to realize what he lost. And the only way for him to realize what he lost is to have the complete opposite of what he's had...which is NONE of you at all. This is YOU time. Take care of you, don't worry about what he's doing. I KNOW how hard that is, but it's the only way to tell if he really cares. It's up to HIM now to make an effort to win you back. Please realize that he may not ever make that effort, but if and when he does, TRUST ME, you want the effort to be entirely his. He wronged you, and it's now up to HIM and him alone to fix it, if you'll even let him when/if he realizes how stupid he was to let you go. Hang in there; and remember...the less you know about what's going on in his life and vice versa the easier this will be.
Good Luck!
Delusional is a strong word... seems you are just holding on to hope that things might change. But I think you are missing some key parts and not really hearing him when he says he just wants to be friends. His actions seem to be matching his words, if so, then believe what he says.
Here's some things that you might need to be reminded of:
::The thing is he would always call me and let me know where he was and what he was doing and want me to hang out with him.
This means he was getting your 'approval' so to speak about his lifestyle. If you didn't complain or ask for more time - meaning you knew his routine/lifestyle and you accepted it.
::As soon as he moved in he started to go to the bar more and he didn't invite me to come along for like the last month of our relationship.
He had it kind of nice, see you every night, come home to you every night, so he didn't have to invest any time in actually being with you or building or maintaining the relationship.
::So to make him realize I wanted at least a phone call every once in awhile I wrote him a note basicaly saying I wish he cared more about me then the car. He got mad at the note and didn't even want to talk to me about it.
Of course he did, because you made him feel wrong. It's all in the approach, though some people don't 'get it' when you try to be nice. They think you might be venting and just let things go on as they have been.
::Now I never told him he couldn;t go out or accuse him of not wating to be with me but at least one night a week it would have been nice if he wanted to go out with just me......
You need quaility time in a relationship and he's not been able to give it to you and/or you've not been able to express it in a way that he could hear it and in a way that didn't make him feel wrong or bad about himself regarding his choices. Consider reading hte book: Five Love Langagues by Gary Chapman
::Now after he says he just wants to be friends he still won't answer my questions about why he doesn't want to be with me or what he was feeling when he decided to move in with me.
Getting answers won't make you feel better. It doesn't matter what he was feeling when he decided to move in with you. But why he doesn't want to be with you, well, either he really doesn't know or he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. But to me, it seems he prefers his lifestyle the way it is and doesn't want to be in a relationship that makes demands on his time at the bar. Plus anything he might tell you, well, if you are like most people you will either disbelieve, try to fix it or change something to change the outcome, disagree and have things escalate.
::He says I'm a great girl and he's probably being just stupid and confised right now.
AND
maybe just give him some space for a while and maybe he'll finally realize he's being stupid to break up with me.
Say the space does make him realize, does it solve the problem that prompted you to write the note in the first place? Even if he realizes, I'm not sure he'd be willing to change his routine for any relationship.
Carrie
I have been trying to not contact him at all. He does live with me stil...well sort of. He has been staying down the road but all his stuff his still at the house and i my room and stuff so I guess that is why I still have some hope.
The only contact I have had with him is after he text me if I just wanted to be friends with him and I told him I didn't know if I could do that and I was still hoping after some time apart maybe it's possible to work things out. He didn't say it wasn't possible. I guess it's that hope that's killing me now. Just the unknown into the future.
I guess I just always seem to get the "you're a great girls" line and it basically means nothing to me anymore. I guess it's just going to be hard to get back into dating again for fear of a broken heart again.