dont know where else to turn

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
dont know where else to turn
3
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 4:34pm
ok i want to thank u guys ahead of time for listening. im 24 and have been through the mill really when it comes to guys. i have been heartbroken and hurt many many times. i pretty much came to accept the fact that i would never find anyone and would be alone for a long time. my friend knew this guy and she thought we would hit it off so she got us together. to my surprise we did hit it off, it seemed he really really liked me. cooked me dinner, took me out, met my parents and everything. this was only in the span of 2 weeks. today i just had that pit in my stomach where u know something is wrong and as it turns out today was the first day that he hasnt called me. so i called him i couldnt help it. i asked him to come over tonight and he is. but where is this feeling coming from. in my past experiences when i felt this way i always turned out to be right. my on the other hand i really dont feel like hell hurt me, he was the one who made things so serious so fast. talking about the future and making all kinds of plans together. he also just got out of a 3 year relationship 2 months ago and that kinda is in the back of my mind. like can he really be ready for this. i made the mistake of sleeping with him the other night. nothing really changed but i know i should have waited, but i couldnt help it. he makes me feel like ive never felt before. he says all the right things and does all the right things. but i cant help but be petrified that im going to get hurt. and since ive never had these strong feelings for anyone before and have still gotten hurt, that scares me even more. please any advice and i would be so greatful bc i am driving myself insane.
thank u guys <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 8:11pm

I think you're overreacting a bit. It's been 2 weeks, he forgot to call you once...how do you know? Perhaps he meant to call you later, and you didn't give him a chance. Anyways, the point is, he's not clockwork - it's normally not like 'ding - 5 o clock, phone call time'.

Advice? Honestly, as great as this guy is, I think taking some time to chill is probably best for you. Not to be blunt, but you sound like someone who really doesn't know where her boundaries lay. Like my friend says, "when a girl says 'no', she should MEAN 'no'". It means that if your ex pressures you into doing something you're not ready to do, you don't do it. Things ARE under your control - the question is whether or not you plan on exercising this control. If you think it's going too fast - slow down. What can it hurt? if he's the type of guy you think he is, he'll understand you need to go slow, and if he's not, no loss.

Secondly, you haven't healed from your past hurts. If you are projecting your past failed relationships onto your new relationship, you've already doomed it. You've already given up on this relationship before it's over. Time apart to reconcile your fears would be really good.

cheers
Susanna




Edited 8/30/2007 1:48 pm ET by unicornssong
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 1:27pm

Ok, butt-kicking time ;)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 1:33pm
thank you both so much you really did open my eyes. i am honestly going to take your advice and see how it goes. its a little hard for me to trust men, bc ive been hurt before. many times actually and i dont want that to reflect my future relationships, like u said then their doomed from the beggining. i will post how it goes. again thank u so so much. i actually feel better. =)