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| Mon, 02-27-2006 - 10:28am |
Hi all,
I am a 20 year old college student. Well when I was 17 I met my first real love in high school, we were together for almost 3 years and we broke up last November. Mainly the reason why we broke up was long distance of being away at college (about 3 hours away). We could only see each other about one weekend a month, and it was hard just having a phone relationship. Also, he had a hard time with communication. He didnt really like talking too much and would get frustrated with me if I tried when he wasnt willing to. I understand these are big relationship problems and is probably best that I move on to someone else who is able to give me these things, but I am having a very hard time becuase I still love him and want to be with him so much.
Ever since November though we would still talk. Or I guess it was mostly me asking why couldnt we work things out and him saying "we are still young, things shouldnt be this hard...etc". I saw him over the Christmas break and nothing really got better. About 5 weeks ago I finally asked him to please stop calling unless he still wanted a relationship with me becuase it wasnt fair to me. He said he would stop calling. It hurt me that he made that choice. It has been SO hard to not know anything at all about his life anymore.
Also, I met another guy who is sweet and really wants to be with me but i just cant get over my first boyfriend. Like anything that this guy does I just sit there and think "my other boyfriend wouldnt say that to me, or do this or do that." I just sit there and compare them and it obviously is not working and what is worse is that it is making me miss my exboyfriend worse than I think I did before this guy. I am starting to wonder if I am ever goign to get over him. or will I be stuck in this funk forever? More than anything I just want to feel like myself and be happy again... I have not been happy in so long.
Thank you guys for reading this,
I just dont know what to do from here... I always thought I would be with him for a long time

sandra3085...
Pianoguy feels badly about your present situation---especially after considering the fact that you spent 3 times with your "FIRST LOVE!"
Unfortunately...you have 2 things going against you....your age and your expectations!
Few women at the age 17 really meet their MR. RIGHT the first time around? I'm not suggesting that it's impossible, but the odds aren't in your favor? Most teenagers (like you were) go through 'alterations at the age of 20'---and I'm willing to bet you and your former boyfriend did?
Just out of curiosity...is there a reason you have to SETTLE FOR ANYBODY RIGHT NOW? You're a young woman in her early 20s with all sorts of options ahead of her. As a single person, you can pursue your education, travel, enter the business world? Basically, you can pick and choose everything.
This isn't easy with a husband or permanent boyfriend.
Do you REALLY want marriage and a family so soon? Read some of the posts from ivillagers who have made this sort of choice. You'll discover that acting in haste wasn't always the wisest decision for many of them???
SLOW DOWN AND TAKE YOUR TIME!
Pianoguy
I think a lot of the reason you're comparing the new guy to your old one is that it's simply too soon. It's only been since November and you haven't really healed from your old relationship. Dating others isn't a bad idea if you can have fun with it and not get serious, but it sounds as if you're trying to get serious way too soon. You should take time to be on your own for a while and find out who YOU are. Take it from someone who married her college sweetheart, only to get divorced in her early 30s. You change a TON in your 20s and even in your 30s and someday you'll look back and know that the guy you can't seem to get over right now wasn't "the one." Still, I've found that if you start trying to date too soon you end up just going through the motions. The right one will come along when you're ready and he'll knock your socks off and make you forget you ever even thought about old what's-his-name.
Steph