Don't understand...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2005
Don't understand...
8
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 3:55pm
So about 3 weeks ago my bf of 3 years decided to tell me he needed a "break". All the normal emotions ensued, anger, sadness, all of which I let him know- often. 5 days later I was still upset but feeling like I could handle it when he comes crawling back to me, claiming he made the biggest mistake ever and he'd do anything to have me back. Like an idiot, I took him back. Well, not even a few weeks after that we are talking and he gives me the whole, "how do I know if you're the one, if I've never experienced anything else?" I decided then this had to be ended, maybe not for good, but at least for now. Three days later (yesterday) I told him he needed his space and that he needed to work things out for himself. He cried, but said he just didn't know what to do because he's confused. I just don't know where this all came from and all I want is for him to come back to me. I don't know what that line means about being "the one" I mentioned previously. It makes me wonder if there's someone else and he's just not telling me. I feel so crushed and alone, he was my best friend and now I'm wondering if he's ever even going to call me. Any thoughts on this behavior? I just don't know what to think...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 5:09pm

mryan209...

You don't know what to think????? PUH-LEAZE!!!!

Pianoguy THINKS you should call him tonight and tell your b/f to stop "jerking you around!" If he doesn't understand what you mean by the remark....indicate that any clothes or other valuables that he has left at your place.. will be sitting in the front yard for him to pick up.

Also let him know when the garbage collectors will be present to do the job for him!

Sorry, but your b/f is a M.O.R.O.N. (Misguided On Relationships Or (A) Nerd!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 8:36pm

Wow, I guess a lot of guys are needing "breaks" this time of year...

I don't mean to make light of your situation, I truly don't, but the exact same thing happened to me three weeks ago only the very next night, my ex was with another girl that he'd been eyeing for quite some time, apparently. I agree with pianoguy wholeheartedly. Get rid of this loser ASAP! I know it will hurt pretty bad in the short term, but think of how badly it would hurt if you keep this charade going for any longer. Do yourself the decency of letting him go on his "space-needing" way. You are both adults (well, you are at least) and if he wants space, give him all the space he can handle - without you in it. Yeah, it's possible (even likely) that he'll come begging for forgiveness, but it seems clear that he is not as committed to you as you have been to him. For me, that's a deal-breaker. You deserve to recieve the same kind of love you have been giving. Same goes for him...

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2005
Wed, 07-20-2005 - 1:39am

Hi Mryan209,

I think that your guy told you pretty much where he wanted to be, or what he was dealing with. He said how do I know if you are the one if I havent experienced anyting else? Please, please, please..let him experience what ever he wants to. Do not force or trap a man into being with you. I say this bc, if he wants to experience, he should do that BEFORE you all get serious. He may need a break, let him have one. Guys dont like it when you nag and question their feelings. Why? Bc mean are really BAD at communicating their feelings, and we sit there like, HUH? Let him do whatever, think about it..what happens when you run into a stray dog that has no home and no food, and he comes to your house and you start feeding him and cleaning him and caring for him? He stays around, oh he likes it, right? But then, that same dog will wander around, might sniff some other scents, heck, he might even hump around and leave for a few days, weeks maybe. But then guess what? He ALWAYS comes back. It may be the next day, or it may be next year. Believe me I know. If you are a good woman, and knows a mans worth, he will come back after he has sniffed some other scents. If you are a good woman, he will always compare yours to the next, and say, well she aint like that good woman I had a home...Pray and ask God to clear your thoughts and replace your uncertainty with joy..

Mryan209, you r that good woman. Remain that way..let him have his space...the dog will come back to his rightful owner.................

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2005
Wed, 07-20-2005 - 11:39am
Soo... 3 days later, still no word from him. I'm not as hurt anymore, mostly just angry. I really want him to come back just so I can tell him no and make him feel as crummy as I've felt. But I guess it's not all bad, we live 2 hours away so come Tuesday morning, he will find everything he's ever given me in the mail on his porch, no note, nothing. I'm so sick of him right now and all of his stupid games.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 1:52pm

Hi Myron - I am in the same boat. Just wanted to let you know. My boyfriend broke up with me about five weeks ago. Called me within 4 days - said he was devastated, wanted me back, wanted me in his life, etc. We discussed and (I thought) resolved the issues that led to the breakup.

Fast forward five weeks to last week. He broke up with me again. I *promptly* returned his things. And left a note asking for mine back.

He has left me a few notes. One saying that he felt as though he was hurting me, and left because he didn't want to hurt me any more. Another one a few days later telling me that he "loves me", but knows I probably don't believe that because of his actions recently, and if I "ever need anything at all any time at all" to please call him. He would do anything for me.

I feel a little bit like you. Part of me wants him to call me and tell me he is miserable without me. But. I am not contacting him. I will be strong with you. :) He left me twice, like your boyfriend left you twice, and I agree with some other posters that they will eventually regret the decision. I hope this helps you...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2005
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 2:28pm
We live 2 hours away, so come Monday I am sending him everything I have of his, even cards and stuff he gave me and asking for mine back. I think the reason he left is because he cheated and feels bad. We really had a great relationship, and I was the one who walked away to him crying the second time. But he has yet to call. He said he'd call on Tuesday, and still hasn't. What is up with this? He cries when I see him and tells me how much he loves me, but then doesn't call me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 3:50pm
The crying is for him not for you. It makes him feel better. My ex cries and tells me how much he loves me but can't be with me right now.... the crying is just an act....they don't want you to hate them and to have that on their conscience so they want you to feel sympathy for them....they know what they are/were doing......don't give in .....let him think you hate him maybe he will learn a lesson the next time
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 2:52pm
Hi that sound just about the way its been here, my girl friend of 3 years told me almost exactly the same thing 3 weeks ago that she wasn't sure about us or if we had a future together. here is the strange part she tells me she loves me and that i make her feel so good yet she feels the need to to get away on her own to find out. I would Love her to stay but i have be realistic I cant force her to and it took the longest time for me to realize that it didn't matter what I said or did it was questions that she had that needed an answer. Not that it makes it any easier to let go hell no its hard and like you all the emotions and feelings that I thought never existed have come to the surface. As hard as it might be to say or think life will go on with out that person. And we just have to work at it one day at a time.