Dont want to but I'm missing him
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Dont want to but I'm missing him
| Sat, 08-11-2007 - 11:04pm |
Well after all the talking and him even coming over we had dinner and then I asked for the big gesture that he say in front of his parents with me there that I was important and he loved me. Well then a week passed and he finally picked up his phone after half a dozen calls (which was my bad, I should have made him call me, but I needed to know where I stood so I could make a choice). Well that was two weeks ago, I've been staying busy but for what ever reason I'm missing him so much tonight, I know that it wasn't me, I know that I fought hard for us but, what still hurts is that he picked his parents and brother over me. I think I wouldn't be so hurt about it if we hadn't been together for 4 + years and then he walks away because of not just his parents (mostly though) but because he didn't want the plan, living together and then marriage. There were plans and now I feel so lost, I know that I'm strong and that I will find my footing again but, right now I mad and still hurt that he didn't tell me sooner that he didn't want the plan, staying around for 4+ years implies that you want to stay around for the plan. Then to be told "nope, sorry I don't want you or the plan, that him coming up for dinner a week prier was him really saying goodbye to me (when I thought it was him trying) but then he says we would have had a chance if I didn't live at home anymore." What am to do with all of this, a month of ups and downs and then that, which he tried making it worse by turning it into something horrible he tried turning it into a huge mean fight, I wouldn't let him have that, so I pulled the "I would like to see us as friends one day card." Now did I mean it, I don't know, all I did know was that I couldn't let him have it easy, I wanted him to hurt a little bit, I guess I want him to realize what he threw away thats how it feels and I keep telling myself that it will get better, but right now I guess its all settling in, that were done, that he got to say goodbye to me and he left me to pick up the pieces. Tonight its just a lot and I just needed to vent a little bit and get some of it off my chest.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It's one of those down days that we all have to deal with when the shock goes down. But it'll pass. Promise. And I also promise that you'll have your PLAN one day and it'll be more spectacular in reality. And at the very very very least, I'm sure you look back and there are no regrets for not trying.
*hugz*