doubting myself - not a good day
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doubting myself - not a good day
| Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:50am |
If you don't remember, I'm the one that got dumped after a 2 1/2 year relationship for reasons because the relationship wasn't "great" and we "weren't consistently happy." It's been a month and since the last and only email I sent last Friday, there's been no contact. I just have so many ups and downs moments. My friends all point to the fact that this wasn't about me, this was about him not being able to make a commitment. I hear them and believe them, but when I'm alone I just feel that I'm being self serving and they're telling me this because that's what I need to hear. I just keep asking myself what more I could have done and how I could have made things better. At our age (I'm 32 and he's 38) I feel that if this wasn't right for him, he should have known that a long time ago. I feel that the pattern was, every time I questioned where the relationship was going or how it was doing, he'd run the other way - only to come back and say that after some thought, he's "in it." This time he's really gone though. Only 2 months ago he said that love was the most important thing and that he believed in it and me deeeply - this was only the beginning. I know relationships end every day, but I just feel like I got the rig ripped out from underneath me for the simple reason that he couldn't handle the pressure of moving forward. In the end he treated me as if I had betrayed him or cheated on him or lied to him - and all I ever did was give all that I could and accept the crumbs that he gave me in return. Friends say all he did was take and that he drained me to a point where I just didn't feel like giving anymore and when that point came, he started to feel unhappy because his needs weren't being met. I just don't know. He said that he never fought for anything harder, but I just don't understand that. I'm going to the bookstore today after work to pick up some recommended reading on emotionally unavailable men, but a part of me thinks that I just tell myself that's the problem and I'm lying to myself. I think about the apartment he bought recently and the plans we completed together in April. It's his place, I know, but Ihe made me feel like it was for us and that we were going to be happy there. He'll move in in November and all I feel is sadness. I think about it all too often. And I'm starting to think about him finding someone else and that's just so difficult. Anyway, I'm having a really hard morning.

I have walked more than a mile in your shoes...it is SO tempting to think it was something we did, or didn't do, or could have done or should have done. STOP THAT! Your friends are giving you very sound advice. If he didn't realize what a gem he had after two years together, he doesn't deserve as good as he had it.
Concentrate, instead, on what a bright future you will have with someone who truly appreciates you. You are only 32...people have found their true love much later than that. Enjoy the special and unique woman you are, and the RIGHT one will enjoy them too...
Just a thought :)
I'm sorry you're going through this tough time now.
I just posted this on someone elses post but it applies to you too.
You're preaching to the choir on this one sister.....
I couldn't comprehend why my ex would not want to rekindle the real love we felt for one another and mend our relationship since I was willing to do anything for him just as you for yours. Maybe it was a terrible contradiction within their hearts or minds or simply put we weren't meant to be..... Maybe there is no simple answer and we've got to come to accept that possibile reality, as hard as it was for me & will be for you..good grief, but chalk it up to just another one of lifes great mysteries.
Why people do what they do... it's like the tootsie pop question & the world may never know...
I used to ask my ex about his future plans a lot since I wanted to ensure we were heading or working towards the same goals. What I neglected to realize is that my Q&A over a the last 6 months (living/together for 2+yrs)yrs drove him a little batty and he started thinking I had some unrealistic expectations of him or that he was dissapointing me. He felt bad about himself, although that was not my intent, and then his head became very cloudy and he become lost in those clouds.
I'm a true believer that some men in relationships get spooked, don't know what they want, or have this crazy notion that everything should be great 99% of the time and if it isn't, they want to seek what else is out there. It stinks, big time, when the woman is left out in the cold only wishing she would've "tried harder". But sometimes no matter how hard we try it just wouldn't work.. you know that saying can't get blood from a stone?
It takes 2, count 'em, 2 people in a relationship and you can't do it alone. If he doesn't want to salvage it, then it's his loss. Maybe after taking a look at those books you may start to realize things about yourself too and after some soul searching, will be able to move on and think about the next great man you'll meet instead of dwelling on who he'll meet. Set up some goals for yourself that you'd like to accomplish by yourself.. maybe you want to get your own place/apt, go on a vacation, see Rob Thomas in concert while he's wearing his sexy tight jeans singing so sweetly... I digress....breath in & out and know that we all can work through this & get over our lost loves over time.
Good Luck chickie!
Hi Nicole,
I feel for you because I'm in a very similar situation. I have an emotionally unavailable girlfriend. We have been together 2 1/2 years, have spent almost every weekend together, have told each other that we were committed to the relationship. I have pressured her in some ways because I don't see her during the week, even though I am willing to drive to her place. You can read my post if you want. I'm having an even tougher time because she still wants to see each other. We are spending the weekend at the beach and I'm not sure how it is going to go. I am just getting such mixed messages from her and I feel almost betrayed. I relate to what your saying about them knowing how they feel sooner, I mean come on 2 1/2 years..
Please wish me luck and the same to you.
Jack