The Dreaded Drunk-Dial
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 04-18-2007 - 3:34pm |
So my BF and I broke up 3 weeks ago (he broke up with me, though I should have first but I'm co-dependent and stay in R's too long every time. ugh)
Anyway, he and I have had no contact for a week and suddenly last night he called me after having a few drinks at a bar (a lot of drinks) and wanted to know if I hated him. I don't hate him and I told him that, but he was reckless with my feelings and he hurt me.
Anyway, to make a long story short, he ended up coming over last night and he stayed the night. UGH. It was great to be close to him and make up, but we both agree NOT to be back together.
Here is my problem: I love the idea of once in a while hooking up if we feel lonely and want to re-connect, but it is so much easier for a guy to detach emotionally with the physiucal stuff than a woman. Now I am thiking about him and wondering when/if he will call again. And I am roped back into a feeling of closeness with him and wanting his warmth in my bed. I CAN'T go back there, and I need to move on.
It seems like biology explains the emotional difference between men and women with hookups. THat is, women literally LET the guy IN with sex, and so it makes sense that emotionally we would mirror that and have trouble letting go. We are usually choosy with who we let in. Guys on the other hand do the in and out thing literally and it makes sense they can walk away no strings.
I don't want to get roped in. I wasn't in love with him, that is not the problem. I just struggle in general with independence and letting go. But I still want to have his physical warmth and affection from time to time.
Do any of you think it is possible to do that casually???

NO. Maybe some women can do that but from everything that you wrote about yourself, NO. I face the same difficulties some times, and think i can be ok by hooking up casually but all it does is make you take a step back and miss that closeness and intimacy, which in turn makes you want them back, and then you're back to square one. i did the same thing last week (we broke up 3 weeks ago too -weird, and i wasn't in love with him either but i cared A LOT about him, and also have trouble letting go of relationships), and although i thought i was fine with it, and that i knew it was completely casual, once you are alone again and the night/day is over, the emotions of missing him and wanting that come back so intensely and you just get overwhelmed. and it blurs your logic of all the reasons why you know you're not supposed to be together.
so no, don't think it's possible. it'll only make getting over him so much harder.
Oh my god, you guys are so right.
I don't think he is a dog, I just think he is emotionally unavailable...and I can do better.