dreams

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
dreams
3
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 7:53am
I've been having dreams of my ex that seem to be making me feel worse about the breakup. For the past few days, I've dreamt of sleeping with him, talking to him, seeing him with other girls... it's all been making me wake up feeling sadder. Does this happen to any of you out there? How do you deal with the saddness it leaves you with? I wish it would stop but I know we can't control our dreams. He and I agreed to still be friends and I said in a recent post that I'm having trouble minimizing our contact because I care about him a lot. These dreams make it much harder because it's as if he and I have "contact" in dreams. Maybe I have unresolved issues with him? Sometimes I feel like I do. I had a dream recently where I saw him with another girl and I wanted to go up to him and tell him he was a liar because he said he didn't want to get married and I hope he told this new girl at least that he didn't want a serious relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
In reply to: iv_sunnygirl
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 3:53pm

I definitely had dreams like that when my ex and I split...

Nikki
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: iv_sunnygirl
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 4:01pm

i've had a few dreams about my ex too in this past year since we've been apart. not that often though(thank God because i think about him too much as it is when i'm awake!). i used to have dreams of us still being together, or getting back together, and the dreams itself were happy ones, but that's what made me really sad when i woke up because i realized it was only a dream. and you're right, you can't control your dreams, so i don't think there's any way around that unfortunately.

i do think that you may have unresolved issues with your ex or with yourself from your relationship and break up...i think we all do to some degree, so i think looking into that and figuring out what those are, will help the healing process. and i definately think staying friends right now is not very healthy for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
In reply to: iv_sunnygirl
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 11:40pm

Those dreams are very normal. I had them as well and still do even three months after my breakup. What is happening is that you are consumed with thoughts of this person and when you go to bed you probably lay there and think about him before you fall asleep. I know for me when I would go to bed it was the only peaceful time where I could lay there and rehash the memories, etc. By the time you fall asleep those thoughts are still there and they resurface in your dreams. Whenever anyone goes through something traumatic it is bound to come have reprocussion. Our fears are what haunt us and it is those fears that tend to be what we dream about. It is a horrible feeling to wake up out of a peaceful sleep, when that is the only time you get a repreave from the pain and all of a sudden be jolted back to reality. I know for me my heart would literally start hurting and I would get sick to my stomach. I can remember when I was with my ex, living together and I had started to worry about the foundation of our relationship. I felt like we were slipping away from each other. One night I woke up after a bad dream where he was with another girl and I was crying and trying to get him to talk to me and he just took the girl by the hand and walked away from me. I was so sad and hurt and after I woke up I realized he was sound asleep right next to me and I just got close to him and felt so happy that it was a nightmare. Well guess what? That nightmare is pretty much reality now. All that pain became a reality. I think I knew then that I was in for a rough time and it makes me so sad that it came to this.

It does get better, that is all I can tell you. Only time can offer you the healing you need. I don't know what life lessons we are supposed to learn from hurting like this but I can tell you it really does not seem fair. There is always going to be the one who is hurt and the one who walks away clean. We just happen to be the ones hurt in this case. I have been on both sides of this and I guess we all have to get hurt at least once.

Take care, I hope you will find this site as helpful as I have. I have even acquired a few email buddies from it.

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