Dumped after 14 years
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Dumped after 14 years
| Tue, 07-10-2007 - 10:18pm |
I am a 44 year old woman and was just dumped by my boyfriend of 14 years, who is 43
Our problems started, when I lost my mom over a year ago, and then he lost his brother just 5 months ago...needless to say the communication apparanty just stopped
Lately he has done nothing but shut me out, turned very cold, and always angry at me for some reason.I realize now, that I was the same, but I was really trying and I actually though things were turning around for us
Then he got angry at me over the stupidest thing, and just out of the blue dumped me
Now I find he is registered on a singles website, looking for younger women..I think the trauma of the loss of his brother, and some of our problems, has brought on the Mid Life Crisis in men...everybody realizes he has changed except him
I love him dearly, and feel some days that I can't be with out him...I really don't know how to handle this,,,let alone throwing away 14 wonderful years
Dnwonluv
Our problems started, when I lost my mom over a year ago, and then he lost his brother just 5 months ago...needless to say the communication apparanty just stopped
Lately he has done nothing but shut me out, turned very cold, and always angry at me for some reason.I realize now, that I was the same, but I was really trying and I actually though things were turning around for us
Then he got angry at me over the stupidest thing, and just out of the blue dumped me
Now I find he is registered on a singles website, looking for younger women..I think the trauma of the loss of his brother, and some of our problems, has brought on the Mid Life Crisis in men...everybody realizes he has changed except him
I love him dearly, and feel some days that I can't be with out him...I really don't know how to handle this,,,let alone throwing away 14 wonderful years
Dnwonluv

Hi Dnwonluv
Welcome to the board.
I think you just have to give him some time. Sounds like you both have been through some stress and stress is a big factor.
Just focus on you for a little while. I know it's hard, as I am 4 months out of a 4 year relationship, and still missing my girl dearly. You just have to take one day at a time and hope for the best.
Good luck...we are here for you.
Rob
Welcome to the board dwnonluv,
Everyone grieves differently.
and we both have children who are grown up now..it seemed comfortabe the way it was.
Hi dwnonluv,
I am very sorry that you are going through this, my partner of 8 years, fiance of 2 and a half years, dumped me too, no communication, no trying to work things out, just goodbye, my lover and friend one day and ex the next. I might add that his decision was over something very petty also, but that was just an excuse to leave. I was absolutely shattered and it has been just six months but already I am feeling a lot better. I reached out to this site earlier on and would like to give back the same way others gave to me, through experience that is.
I am 37 and my partner was 41 and like you I blamed it on the mid-life crisis thing but in reality that is just an excuse because it is hard to accept that perhaps the relationship got stale and they just wanted something or someone else (in my case). My parnter has been with another woman for the past 5 months, she is 8 years older than me and financially very well off. How hard was that to bear, extremely, one month between her and me, more money, but you know what, if that is what he wants then that is what he wants, what can I do about it, nothing. I put off having a baby because he didn't want them and he had promised we would spend our older lives together living and travelling and guess what, now they are trying to conceive a child.....
Anyway, I don't totally understand your situation and other events in your relationship, but sometimes relationships just pass there use by date. Stress was to a certain extent part of our history, job changes, house moves etc but again that is just an excuse, he obviously didn't love me enough to want to be with me and perhaps you are in the same situation, I don't know.
Only now after 8 years am I discovering who I am, as much as I miss him, it is also a little exciting knowing that the future is ahead of me and I could very well meet someone that loves me and wants to be with me forever. I am not ready for that just yet but my options are open, I chose not to become bitter and twisted, although I must admit at times it would have been not a half bad option the way I felt.
I send my love to you and remember although hard, sometimes things aren't destined to last and we have two options, accept or not, let yourself grieve and take care of yourself....
Edited 7/12/2007 8:41 am ET by learningagain