Dumped over the phone
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| Tue, 08-28-2007 - 12:00am |
I was with my boyfriend for udner 6 months and we live in very different places.I recently went to visit him for the month of August and we had a great time.I mean I was a little bit Picky and hormonal but nothing too out of the ordinary but I was consistently so. I picked up on the fact that I was being a little snappy and we talked about it and he reassured me that there was no harm done. Prior to me going to stay with him, I'd altered all my plans as he had bought a ring and was planning to propose, it was all a matter of when. Coming to the end of my stay no proposal.
Anyway, when I left everything was fine and despite picking up on certain things that annoyed me about him, I made the big mistake of deciding i only EVER wanted him and i couldn't live without him. Low and behold however, as soon as I arrived home and called him, I started feeling the brush off. He was distant on the phone and acting different and weird and I started to worry. I let my imagination get the best of me and my fears came true. 3 days after I got home,I probed him as he was to visit me in November. He was like "yea its fine of course I'm coming "Of Course I miss You". But I mentioned the distant behaviour and he admitted he was feeling lukewarm about us and that he wasn;t sure if he wanted to be with me, but didnt know why. I figured that was an unreasonable excuse and wanted an answer. I said if he didnt know whether he wanted to be with me, that that meant he didnt, he should know that if anything right? I had to wait 24 hours for an answer my Instant messenger which said that I made it feel like he was hard to get along with. I am aware that he is used to girls who don't disagree or argue with him and I am simply not a brown noser.
MY heart is so broken as I love him and just want him back. He has brushed me off with apologies and saying he can't do this anymore and what not. He won't return my calls but I get itchy fingers and want to call as he was near enough my best friend. I feel used and betrayed but I have nothing to fault him on besides the way he has handled this situation. He has torn my heart out and stepped on it. How can you go from wanting marry someone to not wanting to be with them anymore. I hate being in this place and want the pain to go away. I need to stop this urge to contact him as I know it will make me feel worse. If you love someone aren't you supposed to be able to work through anything with them however major or minor. He just gave up onmme point blank after forgiving an ex many time after she cheated on him. I have a few PMS moments and he kicks me to the curb. I am at rock bottom and I am really doubting myself and want to just stop thinking about it.
Please help

Whether it was the PMS or something else (or a combination of things), he's decided the two of you aren't right for each other. Yes, I agree that in a relationship that's right for both of you, you work things out--but this one wasn't it for him. That doesn't mean there's anything *wrong* with you--just that you're not right for each other.
It's going to take a while to get over him but the first step is not having any contact with him. That will allow you to focus on accepting that the two of you aren't right for each other (because he wouldn't have ended it otherwise).
I know it's painful and unfortunately there's no quick fix--but you will feel better eventually.
Sheri
You can't STOP the urge contact him, it will pass in itself. As long as you don't give into it, you'll do fine.
We could sit here for hours and discuss the merits of a boyfriend who doesn't dump you over a little moodiness or whether or not it's because he doesn't like a girl who actually has a backbone or why he treated his ex one way and you another..but why bother? You said it yourself "If you love someone aren't you supposed to be able to work through anything with them however major or minor." So the obvious conclusion is he doesn't really love you does he? But understand that that isn't a reflection of your self worth...it's just one person's opinion, albeit someone you valued and loved. It'll hurt. You'll have to work hard to build up your life without him, but it all passes at the end.
lol and if it makes you feel beter, I got dumped via EMAIL because he was too cheap to spring for a phone card.
cheers
Susanna
Edited 8/28/2007 10:20 am ET by unicornssong
Welcome to the board precious_verity,
Everything you feel is normal. Sorry things happened the way they did.
you aked how someone could want to get married and the act like its nothing, they can . I just had the same situation.
Me and my ex were both selling our house to get a single one for an investmentand also for planning for the future, but then an incident occured which I posted on here about going to put gas in her daughters car and we had a fight. Next thing we are broken up, and I said hold on werent you then one talking about getting married , it was actually an ultimatum because she said if we got the house we had to be married, anyway after all that took place and its just to much to go into (if you want to know read my other post on here)she said just forget I even brought it up and also forget about living together and that was after 3 1/2 years. But I totally agree with you if you love someone you should be able to work things through but we had other problems that I am discussing with other people right now.
Don