Dumper's Remorse
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| Wed, 06-06-2007 - 8:33pm |
Ended relationship for the 2nd time about a week and a half ago. I have been reading "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken" because I thought it might help me. He talks about dumper's remorse, where the person who ended the relationship starts questioning the decision and has trouble remembering what led to the breakup in the 1st place. I keep falling into that place. Most of the time I feel ok and I do feel somewhat better than when we broke up last year because we gave it another try. I know it's normal to feel this way, but what's so hard is knowing that he was happy and didn't want the breakup. I think he understands it, though. I could not accept him the way he is and he has not made the offer to do anything about it. He told me a long time ago that he would not change and not to ask him to or try to change him. He said women always try to change men after they get married. I know from experience that men typically do not change, even when THEY want to, so I never set out to change him. But part of me feels rejected because it seems like if I really meant that much to him he would have tried to make some improvements. All he's said to me is that maybe someday I'll realize his flaws are not so bad and I'll be willing to overlook them. What he doesn't get is that I tried really hard to do that and I just couldn't feel good about it anymore.
Anyway, I have moments where I can't for the life of me remember what made me want out so badly, though I know I worried about what to do to the point of it affecting my sleep and even work. I was stuck in limbo for a long time and had to do something. I couldn't move forward with him so I felt I had to move away from him. Sometimes I wish I had a video or a recording of some of the things he used to say that pushed me over the edge. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

I read somewhere, maybe here, that you should make a list of all the things you want in a mate. Then compare your list to your ex. Chances are that you'll remember the things that made you break up with your ex. If not, betcha your friends can remind you!