Is an email break-up ok?
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Is an email break-up ok?
| Sun, 07-15-2007 - 4:26pm |
Hey all,
Is an email an ok way to kind of break it off with a guy? We're not exclusive. Met online, been on a couple dates a week for a month or so. He definitively is more connected/interested than I am. I kept telling myself to hold out and see how the next date went. Maybe things would finally spark...but nothing. Nothing! I've lost complete interest and his absolutely horrible kissing doesn't help matters. So, shall I just write a note through email which is pretty much the only way we converse anyways as he does live an hour of way. Help, please?

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An e-mail will be OK in my view. Something breezy since you're casually dating.
Hi XX, it's been fun getting to know you. However, I feel that we don't have that connection and chemestry to continue dating. Good luck in your search. XX
You're being honest, but not negative or putting him down.
Good luck.
Yes, under those circumstances, an email saying something along the lines of, "I've enjoyed spending time with you but I don't feel we are a good match romantically" is fine. But I'd only send it in response to an unreturned call or email from him--it may not be necessary if he doesn't ask you out again.
Sheri
The first time a guy broke up with me it was over e-mail. Granted, we were seeing each other for about 2 months and were having sex and all, so it REALLY sucked and it was really cowardly of him to do it that way. I have told guys over e-mail that I really didn't see things going in a romantic direction, but that was after 2 or 3 dates. If you've been seeing this guy for a month (and especially if you two had sex), I think you owe him an in person break up (or at least over the phone, ha, that was my second breakup, another 2 month relationship).
It's great that you gave this whole thign a fair shot, and didn't bolt right after the first or second bad date. That shows character and level-headedness, you don't just jump to flaky conclusions about first-date chemistry when you're starting to date some one.
My only question to you is how would you feel if you were definitely interested in someone, had had sex with them, had been on two dates a week with them for the past several weeks, were maybe starting to develop feelings for the person, and they up and dumped you over email?
I'm not saying don't do it, I'm saying do the breakup in a way that you would want it done to you under the circumstances. I know you can figure out a good way to do this that respects his feelings and your integrity.
Good luck,
Hey all,
Thanks for the opinions. No sex was involved! Trust me. We didn't even kiss until the last two or three dates. Awful! It pretty much sealed the deal on the no interest/no chemistry thing. The thing is, I think that he thinks he's suave and really good at the whole romancing thing.
Hmmm...
Then if that's the case, a short phone call should do the trick.
I can only speak for myself, but I would HATE getting a phone call like that in a similar situation! I would MUCH rather get an email so I'm not put on the spot and forced into a really, really awkward position--oh, I HATE those calls with a PASSION!!!! Whenever I get one, I'm thinking to myself, you had to CALL me to tell me this? WHY???? You should have just emailed me!
I'm remembering a couple such phone calls and the very thought of how terrible they made me feel makes me shudder. It wasn't what was said so much as the feeling of being put into an uncomfortable position unnecessarily. So I would hate to do that to someone else. Plus, if you like the person, you are excited by their call so you feel totally blindsided when they say this instead of "let's get together again".
At least with an email, I may be blindsided but I can process it in my own time and not feel put on the spot.
Now, if we're talking exclusive relationship or have been seeing each other for at least a couple of months non-exclusively, then at least a phone call is warranted, but after just a handful of dates? Not necessary to put the other person in such an uncomfortable position.
Sheri
I guess we're going to have to disagree on that one then, Sheri, becuase I think it takes more cojones to pick up the phone and call instead of email, which I rate as being only just slightly above texting. I don't like the phone call, but I can respect that *much more* than an email. Honestly, I'd prefer face to face no matter what, but that's simply me.
;-)
Yes, we will ;-). I certainly can see your POV, but I would respect someone more for NOT putting me through unnecessary pain and discomfort than for being "brave" and doing me more harm than good. For me, sparing me that trumps bravery but different strokes ;-).
But as for the in person thing...seriously, for someone you've only had a couple dates with, you'd prefer to spend your valuable time getting dumped in person???? Man, I'd be SO pissed off if a guy wasted my time like that just to tell me he didn't want to see me any more!!! I'd be like, DUDE, why didn't you just send me an EMAIL, LOL!!!
Sheri
Maybe that's the difference. I do little to no communication via email with either my closest friends, my family and defnintely not someone I'm dating. I've always preferred face-to-face communication or phone when that's not feasible.
Personal email is to me nowhere near being secure, it's inconsistent in delivery, basically you send it and you're at the mercy of your server or your connection. No thanks. I just don't see email as a good medium for truly personal stuff. I guess I like to keep personal stuff on a personal level, and to me, email just does not provide that at all.
Plus, who said I was the one getting dumped? ;-) Anyway, I just think it shows respect, if not for the other person, then for the way I conduct myself and my relationships with people.
Again, that's just me.
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