Email from EX

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Email from EX
5
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 9:50am

It's been almost 4 weeks since I have seen my ex boyfriend. We have had almost NC the whole time. The only time we have been in contact is when he contacted me first and got my emotions all messed up again. For the past 4 weeks he really hasn't given me a detailed reason of why he left. He kept saying he has so much to tell me but never would. Last week I sent an email to him to let him know how I felt about all this. And keep in mind this comes after him texting me and opening up a little just to dissapear again. He has left me confused and sad. I got an email on Tuesday that explains a little but still leaves me confused on where he wants to go. A couple of weeks ago he said that we were not broken up but I have been living as if I am single. I miss him so much and I want to respond to the email but after reading it a million times I cant think of one thing to say to him. And I honestly believe a response would still get me nowhere so I continue to with the NC. Here is the email.....

Your letter is sooo true and hurts my heart. I don't ever ever ever want/intend to hurt you even though I realize I have a few times during our relationship. I needed this time and space away from you so I can gain proper prospective of my life. I was becoming more and more dependent on you and had nothing to show for myself in the event we ever broke up. I had to separate and try to gain apart of my independence back. I have been pretty depressed for the last couple of months and was doing a little bit more on the drug side to escape. That is no way for me to live or for me to treat you. I still don't have a place to stay and am adjusting to my new job and at the same time missing you and jonesing to call your phone number. But I can't keep toying with you or waste your time. I love you more than you will ever give me credit for but there is something wired in my mind that is not letting us have a fair shot. I feel that I was taking advantage of you and I didn't want to. It is like in my nature or something. My wound is taking a lot longer to heal than I thought and I want nothing else but to sit down with you and watch TV and eat spaghetti and salad...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
In reply to: little_one8
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:11am

How CONFUSING!!

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

How sucky.

Well I analyze it as.. He is going through something that he does not want to drag you through. He doesn't think he is good enough for you. My ex would sometimes say that, that he doesn't deserve me, that I deserve someone who can give me everything I want, and he wanted to be that person that did deserve me cause he knew I am a great girl and he was lucky to have me. And I kept on saying, No all I want is you.

It seems your boy is suffering and doesnt want you to suffer with him. You can't change his mind and try to convince him that you both are meant to be with each other. He has to want it himself. You can't help him through this, he has to help himself.
It sucks MAJORLY. I know.

I'm just starting to accept that I can't keep fighting to be with him, if HE is not equally fighting for me. I just have to accept that he isn't ready to be in a serious relationship.

It's not cool that he keeps confusing you.

The only way I will want to get back with MY ex is if he made a grand gesture to say he wanted to get back with me. He hasnt yet so I'm trying to move on.

Oh I totally feel for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
In reply to: little_one8
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:24am
Hi! Thanks for the reply. I totally agree with you but it just breaks my heart. I just want to go to him and hugg him and make it all better for him. But I'm not going to. I know that I can't help him and that is a very helpless feeling. After work on the day he sent the email and I didn't respond I was at home watching tv. I had my blinds open looking out to the street. A car just like his drove by and then 2 minutes later came back and sat outside my house for about 5 minutes. I'm almost certain it was him. I mean I looked at the car outside my house everyday for 8 months. I just sat there. I couldn't really see the person in the car but I could see movement. I went completely numb and kept waiting for him to get out of the car. Maybe he was waiting for me to come running out the front door but I didn't. I thought this was going to be my grand gesture I have been waiting for for almost a month. Finally the car very very slowly pulled away and drove off. It made me sad that he left but also it made me think that maybe that was his way of letting me know he is thinking about me. It's probably for the best he didn't get out of the car. Because if he was just going to come in for an hour or so I wouldn't have been able to handle that! If I see him I need to know that he is here to stay. The pain will be too strong otherwise. I'm so sad! Thanks for the support!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: little_one8
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:43am

Hmm...perhaps there's something in your history together that I don't know that would change this, but I don't really see that email as confusing. I see it as pretty clearly stating that he's in no shape to be in a relationship right now and you should move on in the meantime. He wishes it was different, but it's not.

It sounds like he thinks there's a long shot that it could work out in the future, but not anytime soon.

I think it's a pretty clear message to you to move on.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
In reply to: little_one8
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:56am

No problem!

Yah, after while of not seeing him, you want the next time that you DO see him, to be THAT DAY that he wants you back. Otherwise you keep pining for him - waiting for something that is in your reach but you just can't get to it.

I think the way he is confusing you is by telling you he loves you and wants nothing more than to be cuddle up next to you. But on his end, he has something he needs to figure out. He's definitely not ready for a relationship and you need to move on. It sucks, but it just has to be done..

About helping him - I'm the same way. I have helped my ex through so many things and it's just natural for me to want to help my ex through the things he is going through right now whiel we are broken up. I do believe I can help him - but then I snap back into reality and realize that I can't, I'll just end up getting hurt and frustrated. And only he can make up his own mind.

I think the way I am trying to get through this is by thinking, Maybe I really don't deserve this as he says. And really think, that you don't desrve what he's putting you through. He has his issues, and you are not involved anymore. Let him figure his crap out and you can try to do your own thing.

Easier said than done, huh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: little_one8
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 2:02pm

Hi little_one8,


My take on his letter:


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