The End?
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| Fri, 03-24-2006 - 8:42am |
Hope you guys can help :)
I've been with Jason for 5 years. Since I was 16 years old. I met him @ work, and we just had so much fun together laughing. We finally made a commitment to be together, and we were. He left me about 1 year later because I wasn't 'putting out'...I refused to have sex with him, so he dated another girl at work. As if that wasn't hard enough. Then, he came back to me.... and I was so happy.
He had a drug problem. Heroin was his choice. I supported him emotionally and financially through all of it. He's overcome the addiction, and I'm not modest here; I definitely helped.
Here we are 4 years later in a terrible spot. We moved in together about.... 6 months ago. We fight. A lot. Most of the figts are about him not helping me out around the house... or him always being out with his friends... or him always text messaging people instead of talking to me....or even me asking him who he's talking to on the phone, and he says "No body." He's 33 years old. He's not a teenager, but he acts like one. I understand that a man needs friends, of course. But he never wants to spend time with me. Plans are broken with me, to go out with 'friends'. He went away last weekend. I asked him to stay home, as I was having some health issues, and I wanted him to be with me. He refused and went. Don't get me wrong, we do have good times, but they're mostly clouded by the bad times that follow.
I've been trying to get him to open up to me for months. "Why don't you want to be around me..?" "I have no doubt that you love me..but are you IN love with me?" - and hed always assure me that I was crazy and of course he loves me. Then, two whole days ago, in one of my attempts to make him talk, he comes out with "I think it is that I'm not in love with you..." So, I took that and ended the conversation. And I guess it was generally assumed that we're over. We've discussed that he's going to be moving out...and he goes right along with the conversation, saying that he's actively looking for someone to move in with. As am I. I don't want to live here, even after only six months of memories.
Last night, he tried to 'cuddle' with me. I let him. It felt amazing... but in the same light, it felt empty almost. Then, for sure, he went for the pants.... he wanted to have sex. "What are you doing?" I asked. "Just trying to hold you and get a little foreplay going..." he replied. I let him hold me for a good thirty minutes, and then i said "You said you're not in love with me..." and he rolled over and went to sleep.
This morning I brought it up. "What was all of that?" "I don't remember." he said. I asked him again, "Youre no longer in love with me, correct?" "Well i mean we're just not getting along...."
I told him, that this is a final decision that we're making. I'm not going to be here for when he realizes that I'm the best that he's going to get....I'm tired of breaking up and making up...its just a roller coaster that I hate. So I said to him that this is it...if we're done, we're done. For Good. But I did say that I'm always willing to work at it, because he means that much to me. "I dont want to talk about it before work." - he says. But he doesnt want to talk before work because itll ruin his day; After work because he's too tired; on a weekend because he's usually not home. Im just so confused
I'm just in a rough spot. I don't know what to do. It's hard to live with him.... and I have no where else to go, so this is where I'm staying. Is there any saving this? Is there anything that I can say to get through to him and make him talk to me?
The last 3 days have been HELL for me. Every time I think about him I have to throw up and get a horrible stomach ache...I have a gut feeling that there may be some other female he's interrested in; but i have no solid proof.
Im sorry for the rambling....i just feel...alone in this. I guess what i really want is either a commitment to make things better; but if thats not there, then at least some closure of what happened and what we're going to do next......
Any advice on how to deal, or what to do, would be SO appreciated!

If he's not willing to work to resolve your problems, I'm not sure what else you can do. You met when you were so young, it's possible you've just outgrown the relationship but you hang on because it's all you've ever known. You feel safe and secure together; going out into the world without him is probably very frightening.
It's not unusual for the problems in a relationship to come out after you've moved in together. You never really know someone until you've lived with them -- even someone you dated for a long time and THOUGHT you knew. My initial impression of him saying he isn't in love with you is that he did it because you asked him for months if he was in love with you. It's as if you planted the idea in his mind and when the time came that he wanted out, he grabbed onto what you were insecure about already. It is possible that he's met someone else -- maybe just someone he's taken an interest in someone. Or maybe he's seeing his friends go on about their single, carefree lives and he's envious of that.
No, you can't really make a man open up if he doesn't want to. The best thing for you would be to get away from him. It is not emotionally healthy for you to constantly be exposed to him when he's shutting you out like this. Is there a relative or friend you could stay with temporarily? Maybe if he saw you were willing to walk, he'd realize how valuable you are to him. What you need to ask yourself is whether or not this is the relationship YOU want...or if it's just that he's always been there so he feels safe.
Steph
http://www.myspace.com/stephfaris
I know nothing I say can make you feel better....but just know that we're all here for you to laugh, vent, cry to....whatever. Everyone here is sooo helpful and definitely a good support group!
I hear you re: losing weight....I've lost about 10 lbs in 2 weeks due to my stress of my boyfriend taking a "break".
Hang in there!
Thank You!
Ive been bleeding my friends dry but venting to them - nd I have that Myspace Blog craze, and i vent on there --- but sometimes its great to talk to strangers to get an outsider point of view..... hopefully you guys wont be strangers for long :)
I definitely hear you on that one! I keep telling my friends they probably want to stab themselves in their eyes when I start venting. My best friend gets it the worst because my boyfriend is her husband's brother. :)
I think it's great to get an outside view as well....That's why I started my post about what does a "break" mean... :)
Good to know im not the only one :)
Sometimes I try and look at my situation as an outsider and figure out what i should do - but its so hard to actually DO it.... I know what i need to do in this situation, its just hard leaving something thats so comfortable.
Kind of like my hair-salon. I've been going to the same Salon for.... 10 years. I wouldnt dream of getting my hair done anywhere else...Im aware that there are about 10 billion hair salons all over the US, but mine is the one I like. I bet some hairdressers are better than mine, but i LIKE MINE because IM comfortable with them.... i guess i should break out of the box soon though..............
I do the same...and I've figured out where I've gone wrong sometimes and what I need to do....(not that I always do it...lol)
If you want feel free to email me...(I believe you can send emails through here :) )
I'm always willing to listen.
:)
Thank you very much for the help :) I just may take you up on that offer!!! ANd of course you can ALWAYS email me as well:)
KColihan@gmail.com
Thanks again!
-Katie