End of a Great Friendship... I'm So Sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2007
End of a Great Friendship... I'm So Sad
3
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 10:30am

Hello everyone:

I really need some advice, and maybe a little bit of support.

Two days ago, I ended a friendship with one of my best (platonic) friends in the world. We had a really vicious fight and a lot of very nasty things were said by both parties. What is so frustrating for me about this is that the whole explosive event was set off by a couple of misunderstandings/miscommunications. If only my friend and I had not assumed so much, or taken a couple of minutes to address the issues that have been building up over the last few weeks, this fight probably never would have happened.

By last night, we had both cooled down a bit, and we exchanged a couple of emails. My friend explained the things that had been bothering her for a while now and it was all news to me. She has asked me not to call her or email her again for the time being and I want to try to respect that, but I also wish she would just talk to me so that I could try to fix this.

As things stand now, we have agreed to take a break from our friendship and consider the possibility of trying again at some point down the road. Though I know that this is what my friend wants, part of me wants to FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT to save this friendship. I want to call her and beg and plead for a second chance. But I know that in doing so, I'm only bound to alienate her further.

Everyone, this is SO HARD for me to deal with. This is a friend with whom I've spoken several times a week (sometimes several times a day) for the last several years. She has been my sounding board (and vice-versa) and I care for her deeply. To say that I am experiencing heart-ache as a result of this quarrel is an understatement. My chest feels as though someone took a pick-axe to it and I can't seem to focus on anything else right now.

Can anyone offer any words of encouragement or wisdom as I struggle with this ordeal? Am I doing the right thing by respecting my friend's wishes and not calling her, or should I follow my first instincts and call her in an effort to try to make things better? If the former, can anyone recommend any books or other materials that deal with coping with the loss/departure of a close friendship?

Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 11:15am


If she asked you not to call or email, you better make sure you respect those wishes.
Nothing makes things worse than not respecting a person's wishes.

My ex-girl asked me not to call or email her and I could never go more than three days without emailing, or calling and all it did was to make matters worse.

Now, I doubt she will ever talk to me again and it hurts so much but there is nothing I can do about it.

Do yourself a favor, don't email or call and wait for her to call you. As much as it hurts, you don't want to do anything to make matters worse.

Good luck.

Rob

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 1:06pm

Sometimes, the best way to "fight" for a friendship is to leave it alone for a little bit to give it some room to breathe and grow.


This is a matter of trust.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 1:48pm

I am sorry you are hurting.

It is difficult to fully respond since we do not know what the fight was over, or what was said, and by whom, etc.

But, I can offer this. I have been in your friend's situation before. My situation was a bit different in that we actually did date for awhile, then became friends, and then I walked away. Being around him hurt too much because I still had feelings. I think that had he respected my wishes and just left me alone for awhile, I would not have ended up hating him, which I did. He did not give up, kept pushing and pushing, and then he got hostile and angry, which only led me to being angrier.

On other other hand, I have also had a situation where somebody who I guess considered me a friend kept emailing, calling, trying to maintain some sort of friendship. I did not consider this individual a good friend, and his calls annoyed me in the beginning. However, he was relentless and he ended up being one of my very good friends.

so, it is difficult to know exactly how your friend will react. My fear is that if you push too hard, she'll run. However, if you don't push at all, the friendship could never been restoyed. I would say your answer lies someplace in the middle. Email her, tell her how you feel, tell her that you will respect her wishes for awhile and see how she responds. Maybe in a few weeks, she will come around.

Good luck.