ended it for good it seems

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
ended it for good it seems
15
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 1:12pm

i was posting on life after betrayal. my bf cheated on me when we first got together, but thats not why i was posting, its because time after time i would catch him in a lie. i wanted to know how to regain my trust for him since we just got back togehter from a month break and i wanted things to be better. but i know that he can lie to my face, and its hard knowing if he still is or not, we've been together for over a year and a half.


he came over last night, and went to get a drink, he left his phone by the bed and i looked through it. the girl i asked him not to see had sent him a couple texts. when he came back i asked him if he had been honest with me, made sure he said yes, that he doesnt talk to her and she doesnt text. which i knew wasnt totally true. we also talked about how hes moving in with his friends in april, and that he doesnt like when i hang out with him and his friends, so i would have to only hang out with him in his room or if we go out (which he hates doing) so id be like a sercret almost. he says he isnt ashamed of me just that it doesnt work when im with his friends.


i admitted to looking through his phone (after i asked if

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 2:10pm

Welcome to the board stepheb,


Sorry you are in pain and having to go through this. For most people lying to the degree that he does and the cheating are usually dealbreakers for most people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 2:16pm
i know what you mean. i think thats why i allowed myself to stay with him, to "fix him" and everything. its just so hard knowing he just walked out and left. my friend thinks it was because i caught him in a lie, and he knew that (from our last talk) that it would probably be the final straw. he says that he loved me and is going to be faithful, but he cant be faithful for ever right? i have to go see him next weekend to get my stuff. i know i deserve so much better, i just cant believe that its hard for me to trust him because of our past yet he cant give me time to learn how to trust him again. he just gave up saying it was too stressful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2008
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 2:37pm

He's playing mind games! No doubt! Doesn't want you to hang out with him and his friends? What kind of relationship is that?!


He got busted in a lie- he figured you'd do the "just friends" speech since you caught him talking to her- so he just pretty much wanted to beat you to it.


Ditch that jerk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 2:46pm

youre right! its true, he always plays mind games. i even told him that in a relationship its fun hanging out with eachother friends. my friends dont have a problem with him at all. he says its partly cause he jealous, he doesnt want anything to happen (his friends are far from charming)


about doing it before me cause he got caught in a lie-thats exactly what my bestfriend said. she said he must of freaked out cause i caught him, and i told him if he talks to her again ill feel like he choose her not me. she knows that im sad but says i should be more mad. cause ive always accepted his lies, talked about it but stayed together. when i "mess up" he leaves. maybe this time is for good that hes leaving. who knows. he always tells me im too good for him


i just cant imagine being in love with someone but being okay with leaving. he seemed so okay, so cold

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 4:11pm
hi stepheb.. my ex did the same thing when he left. we lived together for 3.5 years and when he left he acted real tough and like it was no big deal. but i know that is how he deals with things. some guys cant show that they're actually FEELING something. some guys actually make themselves believe that it was not a big deal. but it will always come out in the end. this is kind of like the guys that get into rebound relationships really soon after a long relationship. they're not going through the grieving process so all the suppressed feelings will just ruin future relationships and be with them forever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 4:19pm

its true. he acts like that a lot when something happens that he doesnt want to happen. i caught him in a lie and he got mad, didnt want to work to make it better. i may sound stupid but hes not the type to meet girls and sleep with them, he never has been so i dont think rebounding is his thing. but he does smoke weed a lot. when we went on our break all he did was smoke weed and play video games by himself, his way of greiving. but i know what you mean, by it will get them. i know im an amazing person, he will see that. the only reason i looked at his phone was because i know how he can lie to me.


you're perfectly right that hes just delaying his greiving process, which will i assume make him see what he really had. those guys are silly but i guess thats how theyve always been eh


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
Sat, 03-22-2008 - 1:56pm
did he call you after you broke up? or was that it? we've broken
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Sat, 03-22-2008 - 3:45pm
he never called me and i never called him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
Sat, 03-22-2008 - 3:54pm

i think its a game too. wanting you to do the same as last time and call him. thats good that you didnt, and i always believe if its meant to be it will be. its only been a day hah of course he hasnt called. my bestfriend thinks he will, but i know i wont call him, i have nothing to say really i love him but being with him right now would not work. but i have to see him on saturday, hes moving out of the place we used to live together and i still have some stuff there (hes moving in with a friend) so i think it would be amazing of me not to call him until saturday, it will shock him i know, cause normally i talk to him a lot.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
Sat, 03-22-2008 - 8:18pm

he just called. well the phone rang twice as i was getting up to get it and it stopped (hung up?) and i delted him from my phone it was just his number, i called back. he called to see how i was doing, what ive been up to (the past what? day and a half??) he said he just woke up (its 8 pm) and hes been sleeping a lot, and is heading to his buddys house..we stopped talking, i asked how he was doing, he said fine and that he would call me "some other time" i said ok bye.


i read in another post that when they do this instead of it could help them feel better and move on easier. instead of not answering, where he would miss me. is that true? i know i shouldnt of answered, it was weird it only rang twice, i honestly didnt even think twice, i just saw the number and pressed call. ugh!


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