ended with man unable to commit
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| Mon, 09-20-2004 - 12:32pm |
Last night I ended my relationship with boyfreind who has been unable to commit.
We have gone thru tough times in the last 2 months and it has left me to reevaluate my relationship with this guy. I love him dearly-- I WANT a future with him -- he says - he doesnt know he is still "adjusting"
We have been together a little over a year. I am a single/divorced mom of twin boys age (their dad sees EOW) . He is single/divorced dad with 50/50 custody of 3 children. We have had a rollercoaster romance but all in all we love one another and are comfortable-- its trying to fit all the kids-- and other life circumstances to fit --- WE are fine-- its everything else....or so I thought...
In the last 2 months we dealt with a unplanned pregnancy -- where I wanted the baby - he didnt. He told me that he has felt he was finished having children - that its my decision what to do but if it were his he felt I should terminate..that if I didnt he wouldnt have any choice but to be a father but it would only be out of obligation. I was afraid--- I didnt want to terminate---but then I felt so alone-- I wanted him to be happy - he wouldnt talk about it. So I decided to stuff my wants and feelings and have an abortion...it was awful. I felt like I was a part of a cattle call-- during the procedure my legs were just shaking and the dr scolded me telling me that if I didnt stay still she couldnt continue-- she finally had to call someone else in to hold my legs-- she finished and just left me on the table naked with my feet still in the stirrups -- I tried to get up- I was shaking and cryign and walked out to the waiting area where boyfreind was-- told him lets go and while we were getting in the truck a protestor said "oh you killed your baby- go ask god for forgiveness" I just cried and cried-- boyfreind didnt say anything-- hugged me but he had no words.
Its been over a week since this procedure
Boyfreind announced he is going for vasectomy - that he had been planning this when we knew I was pregnant. HE is having it this Friday. He finally asked me how I felt about it...I said sad expecially because I am 32 and not necessarily ready to close the door to no more kids - he said he is doing it anyway. This made me kind of angry--- why bother asking me to open up when it doesnt matter how I feel?
Then he knows I am moving soon-- like October or November time frame (Im selling my house and have to rent LONG STORY) I have been thinking that maybe I should move me and my boys near him so that if we get married or engaged that my boys dont have to change schools again- so I asked him. He said I dont know -- I am still adjusting.
I feel like a door is slammed in my face at every turn and this man doesnt care or want

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and it's had it's ups and downs, but all in all, I want to marry him someday. He's been saying the same things for years, but is reluctant to move in together or get engaged. I'm 26, he's 29.
We had a big talk this time last year when he expressed that he wasn't ready to live together and didn't want to discuss engagement. So here it is one year later and when I sat down with him about our future he honestly told me he's still unsure. Not only that, he's not sure if he wants to work on this relationship. So that's it for me.
It hurts deeply because I still want him in my life but I can't be the only one in the relationship. Everybody tells me that men sometimes are confused and don't know what they want. Sometimes it takes losing you to realize what they have. I hope that's true for both of us.