Ending All Relationships
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Ending All Relationships
| Sun, 10-31-2004 - 11:51am |
Hi all. I'm the one that got out of an 8-year relationship with my ex because his feelings changed and he no longer saw me in his future. It's been over a month and I'm healing a little everyday but we have no contact and I'm sure we won't ever speak again (it was a very bad breakup). He even said he knows we'll never be friends again.
What bothers me though is that in 8 years time, I really grew fond of his family, his aunts, uncles, cousins as I spent many holidays and a vacation with them and now I'll never see them again. They were like the family I wish I had. His step-mother and brothers and sisters, I've known these people for years, they all liked me and I'm going to miss them. At the last occasion with them (Labor Day cookout), a few of his cousins were inquiring about when we were getting married and I finally started to feel accepted by other relatives as family. I just think it sucks that I've lost all those relationships too.
Can anyone relate?

You don't necessarily HAVE to lose those relationships.....but you'll have to step back for awhile, objectively evaluate them.
It's possible to retain a friendship with any of them....if what you and that person had was a genuine admiration, respect, acceptance of one another as individuals. That what was there wasn't predicated on "you're his girlfriend, so we utilize you like we do the rest of the family members".
But....stand back objectively and assess....if you retain these friendships - they will change. You're not "his" anymore....and if you develop and further relationships with them as individuals it'll because becuase of mutual respect and admiration of each of your individuality.
That IS perhaps going to, at some point, cause you some heartache or at least a twinge. It'd be one thing if you'd develop a friendship with them on a personal level and when your Mr. Right proposes - you make a special dinner party and invite these people along with others - to 'celebrate" your happiness. That's you - are you comfortable introducing them because you are friends WITH THEM to the special man in your life, having them attend your wedding, etc.
And if you are....realize that they're likely to call you excitedly or disappointedly too - when he proposes to someone and let you know about it. And it'd be very possible that if you did share holiday or special times with them - you could easily be without a date and there...when he shows up with his special someone in tow. If that would make you anything but glad he found someone....you're not ready for this yet.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Don't come to any conclusions today. Give it time and see if anyone reaches out to you to stay friends. Don't avoid those people, but don't run to them for support quite yet either. It's awkward but workable.
Good luck