Ending a long term marriage
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Ending a long term marriage
| Tue, 01-09-2007 - 6:49am |
I have been married twenty years and have had a difficult relationship with my husband. We have broken up twice then got together again. The first time was for a year, the second time for two years. Neither of us were with anyone during these times of separation. This last time our relationship became as close as when on honeymoon. We have so much in common and two beautiful children. Now he tells me he is in love with someone else, nothing has happened sexually with her as of yet, but she is my age and he thinks he always loved her. He sees her very infrequently, at most once every one or two years. He loves me too he says but he has moved out of our bedroom. I don't know what to do. I told him he has to decide. She lives in another country. During our marriage, when things were going so wrong for us and I felt neglected I fell for someone, there too nothing happened. The man in question asked me to marry him but i chose to stay with my family and he ended up marrying someone else. I still love this other man as well. I feel really close to my husband and am terrified of being alone. My children are nearly grown. I do not want to be with someone who doesn't love me enough and now i don;t know what to do.

momvivienne...
PG has a question for you:
"If it came down to a choice between your husband and someone else...which man would you prefer to spend your life with?"
Your husband has already indicated his preference...LOVEWISE!
What's yours?
Come up with an answer and you'll know what path to pursue!
Pianoguy
What a hard place to be in for you. Your husband's feelings for another woman that he only sees infrequently is most likely an illusion. If he's been communicating with her via the computer and telephone, he's been carrying on an emotional affair. Enough about him.
Being alone is scary. The only way to get through it, is to go through it. You may find a strength in you that you didn't know you had, especially since you may not have any choice in the matter should he do what he wants to do.
Consider short-term couneling to help you sort through your emotions and give you some direction. Take this time to really get to know yourself, to love yourself, to pamper yourself, to find out what you really want in life, to figure out what things bring you joy, what activies you think are fun. It may be a slow process, but the rewards will be worth it.
Sorry you have to go through this.
Carrie
Thank you so much for your kind words.
I don't know what the future holds. He was my life for so long. We have so much in common and love each other. He says he loves two people, myself and this other person. It's like a bolt from the blue. I'm still reeling from the shock.
We both went to counseling that's why we got back together.
I have no intention of staying with him if he consumates this affair. I have never been unfaithful to him in all of these years.
I shall certainly go back to counseling and hopefully the pain I feel now will subside with time.