ending my "engagement"
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ending my "engagement"
| Tue, 11-09-2004 - 12:37pm |
About a year and a half ago I met the most teriffic person. I thought we were perfect together until I found out he was having some trouble getting a divorce from his first wife (I thought he was divorced already when we met). He gave me this song and dance about problems with the papers not getting signed, etc. etc. etc. I wanted to believe him and I gave him time to work out his problems. Now, it is a year later. He is still legally married, and I am still waiting on something to show me that he is even taking the steps towards divorce. Meanwhile, we moved in together, I got an engagement ring and all my friends threw us this big party to congratulate us (because we made such a perfect pair). I am still getting the promises that the situation is being rectified, but so far he just hasn't been capable of getting anything in writing to prove anything. I feel like a fool.
Last night I told him I think it is time to go back to leading our seperate lives, and to officially end the engagement. I told him that being engaged under the circumstances was more painful to me than anything else. He seems upset, but who knows if that is even real. I am 48 years old and I should have known better. I don't really have a question, except maybe how do I get free of this situation emotionally and move on with my life? I feel better about myself now that I have taken the steps I need to free myself, but I feel so lost and alone. Anyone with any ideas? Send them to me.
Last night I told him I think it is time to go back to leading our seperate lives, and to officially end the engagement. I told him that being engaged under the circumstances was more painful to me than anything else. He seems upset, but who knows if that is even real. I am 48 years old and I should have known better. I don't really have a question, except maybe how do I get free of this situation emotionally and move on with my life? I feel better about myself now that I have taken the steps I need to free myself, but I feel so lost and alone. Anyone with any ideas? Send them to me.

Ok...practical considerations first. Have you given him a date by which he needs to move out (assuming he's living in your home)?
As for how to move on emotionally, getting over someone takes three things: time, no contact, and acceptance that it's over and that the two of you aren't right for each other. It will be painful at first, no question about that. But once he's out and you can start no contact, things WILL get better. As for the acceptance part, I would keep reminding yourself that if he were truly committed to you, he would have moved heaven and earthy to finalize his divorce.
Again, sorry that you are going through this. Hugs to you.
Sheri