ENOUGH!! "HJNTIY" has it WRONG! ARGH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
ENOUGH!! "HJNTIY" has it WRONG! ARGH!
2
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 7:06pm

k, .. so as many of you know - ive been on this board for over two years now .. it started with my BREAKUP with THE EX... then again last spring when he and i broke up for the second time... and after that, ive recently vented about my most recent dating disaster, and in between all of that - more venting about more dating flops and more confusing/emotion-stirring men!!!!!!!!!!

WELL... yet again, i feel FUMED and UPSET once MORE ...and unsurprisingly, over someone else now!!! so heres a recap of my last 4 wks:

the guy who i had recently posted about - is completely over and done with. as my posts stated, i was very upset about it at first - however, in the course of the 3 wks that followed it, i found out that he was actively flirting with two other girls to the point that unbiassed bystanders actually thought he was with THEM... that was rather insulting for me to find out, as HE was the one who wanted us to be "Exclusive" when we were dating... so needless to say, i think hes a PIG now .. and the combination of anger and lapsed time - has allowed me to basically get over it. THANK GOD.

NOW .. in the last two weeks - i started dating someone new. ive known him for the last 4 years that we've been in university, but never really got to know him aside from the casual "heys" if we ever came across each other in lectures, etc etc... well, somehow we started dating - about two weeks ago ... we've gone out to several movies, met up with each other on campus, gone out to eat, called/texted each other at some point in the day ... etc etc... now, we're no where near serious or anything, but we were CLEARLY DATING .. to the point that hes even made reference to coming to visit me on my birthday in the summer when ill be moving to another city for my new job (IM SOOO EXCITED FOR THIS NEW JOB!!!) .. anyywaysss..... it was HIMMMMM who was CLEARLY pursuing me .. to the point where i physically stated to my friends: "hes too interested in me, hes killing the chase for me." .. etc etc...

WELLLLL .. 2.5 wks later, he hasnt called me in 3 days now?!?! hasn't msged me online, hasnt texted me .. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. and its not even that im freaking out because he hasnt gotten in touch with me in 3 days, .. its the fact that he was consistent prior to that, and suddenly WHAM - NOTHING! .. so yes, needless to say, I GET THE HINT!

and soooo ... here i am.. VENTING ... and UBER ANNOYED!!!!!!!!!! ... i just dont get men?! what is WRONG with them?! are all of them BIPOLAR!? or is there something wrong with ME?! like, as far as im concerned - if you dont like me, then DONT PRETEND you do! .. and furthermore - if you dont want to be with me, then respect me enough to at least INFORM me.

i mean, theres the famed book: "HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU" that writes out to women all the signals that "hes just not that into you" .. and the main morale of the book is to say that, if a man isnt what you deserve for him to be - then hes not it... well, I GET THAT .. what my beef with the whole thing is .. not that i dont "get" that this guy isnt into me or isnt right for me, but at what point is a "man" going to be held ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS ACTIONS?! .. cause as far as im concerned now, its not that i dont realize "hes just not that into you" but rather: "DONT PRETEND LIKE YOU WERE INTO ME"!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im literally at my wits end right now .. this entire last 3 years of dating has left me with nothing but a bad aftertaste! i feel like ive gone through more pain and frustration and confusion than i have of happiness. dating just doesnt seem worthwhile to me at this point. i seriously, canNOT wait to get out of this city, work at my dream job for the summer (which btw, im VERY PROUD of getting!), and sit in a starbucks by MYSELF on a sunday to read a novel and NOT have to deal with guys or any of the other drama that swirls around me.

a very irked,
eeksj.

p.s. THANKS FOR LISTENING TO ME "VENT" :)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 7:25pm

Gosh, I'm sorry for your frustration!

But you have to remember...there is NO GUARANTEE that just because a man behaves like he is "into you" that he is emotionally healthy or mature. Wouldn't it be nice if there were...but it's not gonna happen, unfortunately.

It sounds like this guy may be one of those infatuation junkies who loves the chase, etc but then gets bored or freaked out when things start to turn "real"...or maybe he just realized that the two of you weren't a good fit dating-wise...or he met someone else he liked...or an ex came back into the picture...who knows, there are so many possibilities.

Of course, he should have let you know...there's no excuse for not doing so. But unfortunately you can't force people to do the right thing. It sucks, but there it is ;-).

It sounds like a dating hiatus is just what the doctor ordered...congrats on your dream summer job and have fun reading that novel!!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Sat, 04-15-2006 - 6:46pm
I agree -- I can't stand that some of these guys never have to be accountable for their actions! I have too much pride to contact/ream out the last guy who really shafted me, but the downside is that he can go merrily along without the guilt or regret that he should be feeling!!!!