enough for me to leave?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2006
enough for me to leave?
3
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 3:14pm
My boyfriend and I have NOT been getting along. Past trust issues bog me down constantly...to the point I question most anything. Last night we were both upset, and he said he wanted to go to dinner. I told him to go alone because I wasn't hungry. He said he was going to leave his cell phone behind so I wouldn't worry about who he was talking to. (some girl came into town he knows and kept calling him CONSTANTLY). He said he was going to a place nearby, but two hours later he wasn't home. I went into his room and saw his cell on his dresser and he had taken the battery out. ?? At that point, I had enough. I actually sent in my resignation and packed my stuff. He always talks about trust, but he never shows me any reason to TRUST him. I don't have a lot of stuff at his place so it didn't take long. The only thing is, my family and friends are two hours away, so I was stuck with what to do. He saunters in 3 hours later wasted. He looked around and said "you are so pathetic". He said he ended up going to a different place, lost track of time, and ended up "running into an old friend" at the place he went to. Anyways, I came to work and told my boss I was sorry but I really need my job. (I have NO money!!!). He said he didn't want me looking through his phone so he took the battery. Is it coincidental he took his battery out, was gone a long long time, and said he ran into an old friend? He said he doesn't know my number by heart so he couldn't call. I found out he had left our place, gotten a 6 pack of beer, drank it on his own in the parking lot, and then went and got wasted at another place. He has never ever done anything like this and he said "i asked you to come and you didn't want to". Am I out of line??? I am so confused. My brain is overloaded and I really don't know if I believe a word he says. (even though he brought home receipts and such).
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 5:09pm

If you haven't overcome the past trust issues, like through couneling as a couple that wants to work on the relationship and stay together.....then the current trust issues are never going to disappear, period. On top of that, you are unhappy. You want to believe him, you want everything to change, but without real effort, it's not going to happen.

You want him to provide 'full accountability' (due to past trust issues) to prove his trustworthiness, he's not willing to do that. People do what they want to do because they want to do it. Him staying out, getting drunk, hooking up with a friend, all choices he made. What do you want?

Sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 5:14pm
I want someone who will treat me right, who will respect me, and would do anything for me. I want someone to fight for me and our relationship and not go to his ex and trash me on a webpage. I don't want to cry every night and he walks out and gets wasted and doesn't come home until late and still turns everything around on me. In the end, he always ends up questioning ME, when I am the one sitting back and letting all this happen and I keep staying. I can't afford therapy yet....but I will go when I can afford it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 5:21pm
It's good you know what you want....now you just have to honestly look at the relationship and realize that he's not the guy for the job. He's proven over and over again that's not capable of filling the description of what you just wrote out. It's hard and it hurts, but to stay hurt more daily compounded by the disappointment that he's unable to meet you half way and treat you better.


Edited 12/8/2006 5:24 pm ET by itwinflame


Carrie