ex bf contacts me after 7 mos-need advic

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
ex bf contacts me after 7 mos-need advic
3
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 1:16pm

Some of you might remember my posts from earlier in the year November 2004-February 2005. I wrote quite a bit asking for advice on how to get over my ex boyfriend - the love of my life. Well I still think about him everyday but I was slowly moving on.

Well this weekend, he contacted me after 7 months of nothing. I am really scared right now and any feedback, good and bad, from guys and gals that have been through this would really help me.

I am shocked, I never thought in a million years he would try to contact me. Things ended badly and it was at his end that things ended badly. Anyway, he wanted to get together and talk about everything. I met up with him because I wanted answers and also because I missed him. He was/is the love of my life and I thought by talking things over it would allow me to move on with or without him. And I don't regret for a minute seeing him this weekend. I am just trying to figure out his intentions. Do guys contact their ex to clear their conscience or do they contact you again to try to start somehitng up again.

The reason I ask this is because after talking things over we are on good terms again. And we left it by stating that we would keep in touch - he lives an hour away. I know he likes me but he is a very cautious individual and I am guessing I would have to make the next move. Am I mistaking this for him wanting to start somehting up again or him needing to clear the slate. He is a very honest person but I now by asking him what he wanted out of this he is going to retreat back into his shell. So, right now I am at the point of e-mailing him to say hi and see where htings go from there. I am trying not have any high hopes I want to give it another shot but don't want to get to emotionally involved for fear of going through the heratbreak all over again.

Thank you for any feedback!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 1:41pm

I wrote this post recently for someone else on this board, but I think it applies here.

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I've found that guys keep in touch with you after breaking up for one or more of the following three reasons:

1. They are over you and truly want to be friends, and don't realize that it's hard for you to be in touch with them as friends if you're not over them yet;

2. They feel guilty about breaking up with you and want to make sure you don't think they are the "bad guy"...if you're willing to be friends with them, then they must not be!; and/or

3. They want to keep you on the back burner just in case (but usually just as a fling/FWB, not for a serious r'ship).

If he broke up with you, and he wanted to get back together, he would make that perfectly clear. Since he's not doing so, it's one or more of the foregoing 3 reasons.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 10:42pm
Different guys have different intentions...and I'm thinking he either wants to give it another go or he wants your friendship....there is really only one way to find out and that's contact him and see where it leads but...keep in mind there is no guarantee that you won't be hurt again....but that's with any relationship.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 11:14pm

Unless your ex tells you in clear and simple words that he wants to get back together again, or is even thinking that such is a possibility, don't confuse yourself with wondering what his intentions are. And there is no reason to ask, either: such is a conversation for him to start, not you.

Of greater concern to me would not be 'why did he get in touch now?', but rather, where was he for the last seven months? Though there has to be a break in communication for a while after a relationship ends, to have gotten to the point where you never expected to hear from him again suggests the 'no contact' clause was understood to be permanent on his part.

How you proceed is entirely your chosing, but with caution, keep in mind your decision is your consequence to bare as well. If he left you high and dry once before, with more questions and answers, you may be best to continue with caution until you are more sure there has been change on his part to not allow history to repeat itself again.