ex bf is still hung up

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
ex bf is still hung up
3
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 12:20pm
Okay I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months about a week ago as most of you know. It took me a while to finally realize we can't be friends because he is still in love with me, but I don't feel it back. So I have cut him off completely so he doesn't get false hope. But he just won't let it go and keeps texting me, he sent me text messages all weekend and tried to call me, but I ignored them which I am proud of because that way I'm not giving him hope. Well he called me yesterday morning at work, which has no caller ID and I have to answer of course, and he just asked why I was ignoring him and I told him because we can't be friends and can't talk. He just won't let it go, he thinks we can still be friends, but it won't work that way. I really want him to move on. His last text said 'can we text please', I want to say no, but I know that he already knows that and he just wants me to send him something. So I am just ignoring it. So what do I do? He knows I don't want any contact, but yet he still tries. Will it eventually just stop? I mean we broke up very recently so I am sure this is normal and he is just really sad...Do I just wait until it goes away, how long do I wait before I say something to him? I mean I have already told that 'no, we can't be friends, and i don't want any contact' Sorry but I am just new to all this relationship stuff!! advice please...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 2:00pm
Tell him "I've tried to be polite about this, now you are harrassing me and becoming a stalker, if this is not the last communication between the two of us, I will file a restraining order against you." Follow through if necessary.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 7:10pm

I really hope it doesn't come to having to get a restraining order - but I really think you're doing the right thing by completely ignoring the text messages. My ex also loved to text message me- in fact, I got one last night. It didn't even say Happy Easter, which is about the only thing that might have been appropriate. But I digress...

If you answer him back, he is getting attention from you, even if its negative attention, its still valuable to him. So definitely keep ignoring him. And obviously its hard at work since you have to answer your phone, but the minute you hear his voice I would say "Have a good day" or something professional sounding and hang up. He will get tired of it eventually. I am so sorry that you have to go through this though- I know it's really painful for you too!! Hopefully he gives up sooner rather than later. But unless you really feel harrassed, I would stick it out a bit with ignoring him and see how that goes.

GOod luck, and let us know how its going.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 9:56am
Hey thanks for the responses. I ignored the texts but of course he called me this morning. He left a voicemail saying he wanted to talk to me just really quick. And if I didn't call him when I had time to talk, I know he would call my work and I didn't want to talk about it there. I was like oh my lord he will not let it go. But I also figured this was a time to really crack down and make sure he knew that we can't be friends. Of course he asked what he did wrong and why I am doing this, yada yada...but I told him I just don't want to be with him, and that it wouldn't work to be friends. Of course he is major hurt and telling me that he is sick and can't sleep. But now he said he'll stop bothering me, which I think he will, I think he understands that I am for real and we are done, it took him a while because he kept playing everything I said a few weeks ago, in his head, which I feel horrible about because I told him stuff I didn't mean and said that I love you and all that, but i was just confused and didn't want to hurt him. He told me he wants to have a family and a house with me, and I hate it cuz I could see myself doing that, but just not with him, I think I just liked the idea and always think of him because we were so close and well he's just right there. I know he is majorly confused and aching right now, but in a way it feels good to have some more closure. I don't think a restraining order is needed, I think that it will all go away fairly soon. I just hope he really will let go and not contact me. Because that would help us both a lot, whether he realizes it or not.