Ex Boyfriend that does not get the hint - How to stay strong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2011
Ex Boyfriend that does not get the hint - How to stay strong?
4
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 11:26pm

I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half about 3 months ago. I lost feelings for him, had no attraction to him, and he just always annoyed me. He was one of those people that just smothered me with love, and too much of a good thing is too much.

Anyways, we talked a lot after the break up, tried to make it work, but either way I just do not want to be in a relationship with him. I prefer him better as a friend. After trying to change my mind and feelings, I realized I could not. I wanted to break up with him many times, but was always worried about hurting him. So once I did it, I feel like I have to stick to it.

Problem is, he will not leave me alone. Keeps talking to me, flirting, I feel bad just ignoring him but I give him one word answers. Recently I made it VERY clear that I do not want a relationship. He wants to meet up and talk and convince me otherwise. How do I stay strong? He really is an awesome guy, I just do not want to be committed now. And my brain always forgets the reasons I broke up with him in the first place.

I'm meeting with him tomorrow, hopefully once and for all. How do I make it clear? Completely cutting off contact isn't really an option since we have a similar group of friends. I'm just so tired of this back and forth thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

You STOP "hinting" and start telling him the truth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2011
I've been flat out telling him for the past two weeks. He says he refuses to let me go. If he doesn't stop I am going to have to cut off all communication. I was just hoping it could be normal between us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006

"I've been flat out telling him for the past two weeks. He says he refuses to let me go. If he doesn't stop I am going to have to cut off all communication. I was just hoping it could be normal between us."

Continuing to participate in dialogue with him & agreeing to meet up to give him the chance to change your mind does NOT support "flat out telling him" that you are done. So, yes, cutting off all communication is your only option in making yourself clear.

As far as "normal" is concerned--whenever two people break up & one still wants the relationship to continue, what you have described IS normal which is why it is most often necessary to accept that friendship is not possible and to avoid contact until both parties have resolved their feelings.

By cutting off communication and discussion, you will be sending a clear message which would actually be kinder than allowing him to believe otherwise.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004

Tuc,

If you've been "flat out telling him" it's over and he refuses to leave you be then you have no other choice than to end all communication. And that may include not seeing your mutual friends for a time. As long as you keep talking to him he will retain hope of getting back together with you. So don't see him, talk to him, or associate with him.

Block his phone calls, texts, emails, etc. If he shows up at your doorstep don't answer the door - call the cops. If he persists in his harassment of you then get an order of protection against him. Sometimes guys don't get it until a person in a uniform shows up or someone else serves them with a court order.

And don't expect things to be "normal" with him from here forward. You will probably not be able to be friends with him for a very long time, if ever. You truly can't have things both ways. You're either involved or you're not. That also might mean you have to find new friends to avoid him. That's life. It happens. If you can't accept that then you need to at least avoid people you both know for a while until he's "gotten it."

Good luck.