Ex called again
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Ex called again
| Mon, 10-31-2005 - 11:43am |
Hello Everyone! This is an update to my post a week ago friday. Well my ex called me friday night. I had plans with a friend, so he told me to call him when I was done. I called around 11:30 and he said he was at a Halloween party and he would call me back when he left. He called back around 12:30, and wanted me to come over, so I did. (I know stupid)I did not sleep with him this time. Anyways, He told me that I meant something to him, otherwise he wouldn't have me come over. He was very affectionate. He told me that I was a great catch. Anyways, I ended up staying the night. We live about 30-40 minutes apart, and he asked me how ofdten I was in his town. I told him I have class there 3 times a week. I asked why he wanted to know and he said he wanted to know when he could have me over. Anyways he called me Sat and Sun, but he was acting different, almost cold. I went over Sat and brought him dinner and we watched a football game. I stayed about an hour after the game. He asked me is I was going to stay, and I asked him what he wanted, and he said I don't know, so I left. I think that he wants me, but he is afraid to make any kind of commitment. I don't know if I should move on, or wait for him. He asked me why I did so much stuff for him, and I told him I still cared about him and always would. I'm just so confused. I don't know what to think. I have no idea were I stand, or if there is even an us in the future. The truth is that I still love him, and would love to get back with him, I just dont' know what he wants. He seems very wishy-washy. If anyone has any advice. Please give!!!! I feel more confused than ever.

Well, I am sure that this is not the answer that you want to hear, but here goes...
It has always (and I mean always) been my experience that when a man wants someone, he goes after her with full force.
I totally remembered your first post it because I remember thinking how horrible your ex was to you- begging you to come over to his house and then calling you a slut when you slept with him. That was ridiculous!
I don't mean this to sound harsh, so please don't take it the wrong way....but do you REALLY want everyone's honest opinions of what you should do? I ask that because I think a lot of times when people ask for advice, they already have their mind made up of what they are going to do and they are just waiting for someone to agree with their decision so they can justify it in their head (I myself am very guilty of this). The advice that everyone gave you after your 1st post was to completely cut off contact with your ex because he is a toxic person to have in your life. For whatever reason, you not only didn't cut off contact with him, but it sounds like you dropped everything when he called and went over his house at 1 am. Yes, you didn't sleep with him, but you obviously weren't going over there to have some heart-to-heart about the future of your relationship at that hour, so it was pretty much a booty call. So, despite how horrible you felt the last time, you set yourself up for the same thing to happen AGAIN! Maybe you haven't looked at it that way, but that's the way I see it.
I can totally understand missing your ex and missing the intimacy you had- because I am struggling with that a lot right now. It's so hard to let go of someone that you are so comfortable with and you enjoy spending time with. But, he is obviously screwing with your head and you are allowing him to do it. Consciously or unconsciously, you are waiting around for him to decide where your relationship goes from this point.
I think you want someone to tell you that your ex is going to change his mind and want to get back together. I don't really think anyone is going to say that, based on what you've written about your current situation. If you really want to move forward with your life, I think you should go back and re-read what the other women said after your 1st post and really take their advice to heart. They are trying to give you the benefit of learning from their experiences, which I think is the whole point of this board. It's going to be really hard, but in the long run, you will be a stronger person for it. Good luck :)!
Erica
Men don't ever know what they want. You literally have to make their mind up for them. One minute they want you because they are lonely and tired of playing with these other women( who are just us post-breakup but finally over the games men play and have opted to take the MANLY approach from now on to relationships).Sounds like your boy doesn't know hat he wants but wants you some-what which means you shouldn't jump back into this head first. I just broke-up with an ex and would i get back with him? in a heartbeat. Would he get back with me? Couldn't tell you. Because he couldn't handle a real relationship right now. He doesnt have time. But has time to sleep with me and spend entire weekends at my house. So all I'm saying is its more dangerous ground when dealing with an ex than a newbie. Just watch out for your heart first, if he feels iffy, then you be iffy. Don't give him more than he is giving you. You have to learn to be happy without him, then you'll really be happy with him. Trust me. Except I tried that this time and my heart is even more broken this time. Maybe you should ask someone else. HE HE HE! Hope it works out for ya.....
I am going out on a limb here but may I ask are you fairly young? It seems so..you are dancing around this man. All your actions are dependent upon him. Live for you. You determine what you want. Is this man available to you or not? I am not sure but it seems like he calls the shots and you act.
I did this my whole adult life with men..and now, enough's enough. Start living for you. You deserve a man that wants you fully. Who can accept you and your values and who will not play games.