Ex calling lately
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| Tue, 10-31-2006 - 10:45am |
Hi Everyone. It's been a while since I have been on here! Which is kind of a good thing for me cause I was really struggling with my last relationship. We were together for about 10 months or so. He was in love and thought I was the one, but I wasn't so sure, that kinda thing. So I broke it off, after going back and forth tons of times. It was super hard, but I learned a lot. I really beat myself up over it, cuz I just couldn't feel it back and didn't know why. It's been about 5 months since we officially broke up, granted we talked and saw each other like 4 times since then, but trust me cuz everytime i got stronger and stuck with my decision. I feel soo much better, I even went to a therapist to get over it, like I said it was bad! But I was young and he was my first relationship, it's gonna be hard.
Well my question is this...He backed off for awhile and we went about our lives. Yeah I would think of him, but I felt so much better it's not even funny. And boom, I met a guy. I guy I really liked and we are sorta seeing each other now. Well, my ex has called me a couple times in the past couple weeks because he is working near my work. And he is wondering if I want to get lunch and catch up. I was nice and just said I'm not sure but I think I have other things going on. He said he just wants to be able to talk and be cool. And to maybe hang out sometime. I just kinda joked around and asked what this was all about. I mean I don't get what he wants outta that? I don't feel that getting lunch would be good. I feel like he's still not over me and just wants to see me and get in my life again. Now some of you might think that he is just trying to be nice and maybe he can just be cool, but from what I know and everyone else knows, he's probably wanting to see if things could work out. I don't know, I just don't like how he keeps calling and trying even after I say no. He called awhile back too to tell me he had a new number, I answered cuz I didn't know the number. (and at work I have to answer cuz there's no caller ID). I don't want to be mean and I don't want him to think he didn't mean anything to me. But I just don't feel like he and I can be friends, not yet anyway!
Anyway been through someting like this? Any advice would be great! Thank you!
Oh and do you think I should mention this to the guy I am seeing now? I kinda want to but I don't know...
Edited 10/31/2006 11:46 am ET by precious2be

Since you have to answer the phone at work, then you need to be direct "Please stop calling me." And hang up. If he calls again, repeat what you said and add "If you don't respect my wishes, I will file a restraining order against you."
He's feeling lonely. He wants to re-connect. He's going to mess up your current relationship if you don't stop this now.
Carrie
I would not meet him, and if he calls again, I'd politely but firmly ask him to please not call you again and hang up immediately (and repeat as necessary, if you absolutely can't screen your calls at work). No chit chat. That's not being mean, it's just standing up for yourself.
And no, I don't think it's necessary to tell the new guy if you don't meet your ex. The only exception would be if the ex starts harrassing you and won't stop calling.
Sheri
STOP!!! DONT EVER TELL THE NEW GUY....NOPE NOPE NOPE...YOU GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING "TRUST ME"...TO BE HONEST I'M SO PROUD OF YOU..THE WAY YOU HANDLE THINGS WITH YOUR EX...YOUR STRAIGHT FORWARD COMPARE TO OTHERS...THAT THEY ARE IN DENIAL....YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN???....TWO THUMPS UP FOR YOU!!!...HOORAY
about your ex...your not totally wrong about your feelings that he wants you back...its pretty obvious he wants you still.....esp the new number...well this is up to you...BUT if ever be very ready TO TAKE THAT RISK...GOOD LUCK
I think you can start out by just not responding to his calls, etc. If he needs a response you can say you are happy and not interested in getting back together. He's probably looking for some hope for the future, and it's your choice if you give it to him or not. It sounds to me like you are not necessarily sure what you want, and he probably can read that.
There's no need to burn your bridges unless you really want to. In time he should move on. If he doesn't, you can let him know you're serious, but I wouldn't threaten an RO unless he won't listen.