Ex comes back and you fall in his trap

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Ex comes back and you fall in his trap
3
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 11:41am
Me and my boyfriend has been broken up for a few months now. He cheated on me, and when I confronted, at first he acted like he was lost, then he acted like I was talkin to someone else sayin things like" Who me?" Then when I finally got him to confess he tells me that he still wants to be with the both of us. I drop him right then and there. But like a week later I find myself calling him, and next thing I know we are messing around. But the bad thing is we never got back together. It's just that I know in my heart that I am still in love with him. But I hate to love him. HELP! how do I learn to move on? I can't do this anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 12:40pm
I'm so sorry that happened to you. At least you had the courage to break it off when you first found out. A lot of other people wouldn't be able to do that. But even though you did that, of course you are going to still have feelings for him. It doesn't just shut off like that. They say that when you are healing from something like this, the healing is never in a straight line. One day you will feel like you will be able to move on and you are okay, the next you feel horrible and miss him and want to call him. We've all been through that. If you really do want to move on, the best thing you can do for yourself is to have no contact with him. It is hard, but believe me, it makes it a million times easier. In addition to having no contact, concentrate on yourself. Do things you enjoy, spend lots of times with friends and family, get involved in new clubs or activities. Do whatever you need to keep yourself busy so you won't be home by yourself thinking too much. It does get easier with time. Keep reading people's posts here - you'll see that a lot of people are going through the same things. It makes you feel like you are not alone in your pain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 1:28pm
i'm sorry for what you're going through and i know it hurts a lot. but i think you're a really strong person for ending it with him. one time i had a boyfriend cheat on me and i wanted to stay and work things out. it ended anyway because he was not happy with me anymore. so like i said, kudos to you for ending it straight away.
it will be hard for a while, but i have to agree with the other post, no contact is the best thing you can do for yourself. it will be very hard on some days but it will be worth it because you will eventually start feeling good again. you don't deserve to be treated the way your ex treated you, and you should be proud of yourself for realizing it and deciding not to take it from him. best of luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 4:17pm

My advice is the no contact as well. Have you seen him since your last 'messing around'? Is this just the lingering feelings you're describing? Like the others' said, your feelings don't just shut themselves off even if something bad (like cheating) occurs. So don't beat yourself up over that - that just means you're human.

My ex also cheated on me and I read a lot, got a lot of advice and I'd have to say "living well is your best revenge". Take care of you, be SELFISH since he was! Keep yourself so busy during the days that you're too exhausted at night to overanalyze life without him. I try to remind myself that my ex sabotaged the relationship by cheating and wanted it to end anyway if he was willing to take a chance with sneaking behind my back and lying when confronted. You don't need a guy like that... ack. Let them carry their garbage into the next relationship.