Ex Contacted Me
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| Fri, 04-13-2007 - 12:09pm |
Even though I didn't expect it, exactly 45 days after our breakup, the ex contacted me. He started out by saying that there will never be anyone else like me and that he "will always love me." Then he said there has been no one else since me, and asked to see me 3 separate times. I basically said no (even though I wanted to say yes so bad) and reminded him that he was the one who left and did not want to be with me. He replied "yes I know" but that he felt sad. Then he abruptly got off the phone.
What is this? His initial comments seemed to indicate he was moving on yet he sounded SO confused. Anyone else gone through this? I have read in other posts that men will use you as a cushion for the breakup even though they dont want you anymore - and that is what he was trying to do.
And I was doing so good and now I feel awful. Am I back at square one, or will it be easier since I have already done certain stages grieving?

Same thing happened to me, about the same number of days into NC as yours contacted you. It's not exactly easy, I know. In my case, I ignored him the first few times he contacted me (via IM). Then he sent a message in which he basically asked to be friends. I waited three days, then sent him an email which detailed pretty clearly, yet not in a combative way, why I wasn't sure that "friends" was ok for us. I actually had a member of this board read a couple versions of the email before I sent it, too.
He responded to the email pretty much right away. He thanked me for sending it. And then he specifically talked about each part of it, and about our whole relationship (two and a half years) and what he'd been thinking and feeling in the six weeks we hadn't spoken or seen each other. He said A LOT of things, and I was very, very wary at first. I didn't know if I could trust him, and so I listened, but didn't hesitate to say "yeah but, you did and said this and this and that was really mean and not what i ever want to hear from someone i'm in a relationship with."
After a few days of pretty intense conversation, and a lot of soul-searching on my part (much of which I'd done during the period of time I wasn't in contact with him, a period of time which I will always, always be grateful for, as it really helped me clear my mind) I started to feel that he and I could work on a new, healthy beginning. He's going to be here (we live 70 miles apart) this weekend for our first weekend together in two months. I'm looking forward to it, but I feel...much more grounded about things with him and I than I ever did before.
So my advice to you is to put a lot of thought into, give it some time, some days, listen to what he's saying, trust your gut on what his intentions are. Look for concrete signs (ie. on of the issues w. my ex was that he didn't value exercise and being healthy as much as I do; well, he's lost 15 lbs and gave up his soda habit). You're going to be ok, just trust yourself and like I said, do some soul-searching about whether you're sure he is the man you want to be with as opposed to just being easier to get back together than to really think about things first...