Ex meeting NW gf 2nite need insight plz
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Ex meeting NW gf 2nite need insight plz
| Sat, 07-15-2006 - 1:15pm |
Yeah well I guess i have to come clean on how I know this right? Well three weeks ago I broke up with my long term so (almost 4 yrs). He was just on the fence about what he wanted for awhole month and it was draining me emotionally making me sick ect. SO I broke it off. NOT even two days later he is talking to this girl. We had past issues and broke off an engagement in the past. So when i moved back in this time I was smart and figured even if its good I will get something to check the int just in case. SO I bought SpectorPro. Look it up its crazy. It records things like a video. Well I went over in the morning to his house the other day to delete it. As I dont want him to find it. When I pulled it up. it brought up everything. Apparently him and this girl started talking a day or two after we broke up on the phone every day as she emails "for forever". And tonight he is going to her house and omg get this to role play. We lost our baby together as I stated before and this girl has a 6 month old that looks like our daughter. This girl isnt even that attractive for me to say I am better is saying alot. Cause I usually dont do that. Im going out tonight to two parties as I dont want to sit in and onder over what they are doing. But I wonder for most of u how little you really know. If i didnt have this I would think it was just the same old break up we had before. As he came out and told me he is not talking to or seeing anyone yet. And "doesnt even go out." I couldnt even tell he was lying even know AT that time I already knew about this. Its just crazy to know he has already moved on. BUt i know he is also using this girl to fill the void. He was very emotionally abusive to me. Thats how I guess some of them get you to stay. Just mess with your head to the point u think u cant leave. He has blamed his drug addiction his attempted sucide all on me. And it hurts for me to know he is probably telling this girl I was the worst thing that happened to him . As he stated on his myspace. To clarify he started the drugs after he left me for his mid life crisis and tried to get me back then by using a sucide for attention. I doubt he was really go to do it. I know now I am better off without him. Im glad I left him. Because each day I feel my self esteem get alittle bit better. I seen this girl I seen what she wrote and I know this is his next "toy" As is was obvious she isnt that confident Her ex just left her of 6 yrs a month after the baby was born. She sounded kinda down in her profile. Alittle heavy set as well. She even wrote in the email I read Oh im not like those 100 ods girls you dated before. Why is he even talking about me to her wth? As much as Im glad its over it hurts to know this was never love he was just using me till he found another to cling to. Someone who doesnt know his past~mental hospital, drug issues, ect. He told me the spark was gone hes bored. But i think it was due to this other girl. He never wanted to do anything I couldnt even hang with him and his friends after four yrs. Do i think now he was probably capable of cheating during that time. Yes as now I know he so easily lies to me. The pain has mellowed I know longer cry at night to the extreme I was. its like slowly coming off of a bad drug. Gotta wean yourself back into single mode. I am not looking for someone else to date right now. As Im not ready. Still trying to work on the hurt of our loss(baby). And as well I dont think i would be a good gf right now. As being in a bad relationship has caused me to change alot negatively. Its just such a shock to feel for the last few months that something was wrong and to know now what was truely wrong. As I doubt they didnt know each other prior to me moving out. She lives quite a distance away. So Im thinking he met her through friends at some point. And every time we fought it would explain why he would kick me out or not care to resolve if there was something waiting on the sideline. Im 24 I know Im young. I can only hope I dont fall into this trap again. As he did seem amazing for the first few months before the red flags showed. And by that time I was so much in love I just looked the other way. I guess Im just scared now. That after four yrs someone can do this to someone else who they "loved." How do we know? I mean most of you may not even know the truth. I only know because of spectorpro. And I shouldnt have even done that. Im not that type of girl and I think the reason behind this all and how it panned out was maybe something was trying to show me Look this is how he really is you been blind and too trusting and here is the proof. Im happy if hes happy. As I truely dont want him back. He is incapable of treating me well. But it still hurts and I do miss him. And I guess in the end it just scares the hell out of me for the future. Im worried as well why I havent hit that anger stage knowing this? Why i dont hate him yet? Do some of us not go through this? He blamed everything on me. And I wonder if the reason I dont feel that is because of all the manipulating tactics he used on me since everything was my fault. Right now Im relieved he cant hurt me anymore and I am sad. but not angry. And Im actually happy that he has found someone who may make him happy. IS this alittle off. Cause I kinda feel like I shouldnt feel this way. Maybe the anger will come later that I will want to k**k his butt for cheating lying and pulling me down for the last 4 yrs who knows. You guys are amazing on here. ALot have been through more then I. Alot older as well. I would love your insight as I take it to heart.

Did you really need to know all of this about him and the new girl? You already knew he is somebody who causes more trouble than he's worth anyway. Now this new information is only making things more painful for you. That is the kind of trouble you can bring upon yourself when you start spying on someone. If you really can't trust the person you're with, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with them anyway.
But you should be very proud of yourself for having the courage to leave him. You are right, if he did some of the things that you mention, he is emotionally abusive. You will be much better in the long run without him in your life. You also shouldn't envy this new girl that he is seeing. It is only a matter of time before he starts doing to her the same things he did to you, and she becomes his next victim.
In regards to your question about feeling angry at him, maybe that will come later, or maybe you will never feel that at all. Everybody deals with break-ups in their own way. The important thing is just that you just allow yourself to go through what you need to feel. As long as you reach the point where you can look back and see how you are not to blame, it does not matter if you are angry or not.
I hope that things continue to get better for you. You may find that there are days when you will suddenly seem to go back to feeling worse again, but as time goes on, you will have fewer and fewer bad days, and on the whole things will get easier. Just hang in there and let yourself heal.
When you are ready to start dating again, there is a book that I really recommend that offers some good common sense advice about how to be careful and how to watch out for red flags so you don't get caught up with somebody who is trouble again. The book is called "The Real Rules" by Barbara DeAngelis. It also talks a lot about why game playing is wrong, but I think it is worth-while reading just for the advice it offers about being cautious in a relationship and what things to look for.
Good luck with everything.