ex moved on after 1 week

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
ex moved on after 1 week
19
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 8:31pm
hi, i'm new here but i've been on here reading a lot since my breakup 6 weeks ago and it does help to know that others are going through the same thing, although i wouldn't wish this hell upon anyone. long story short, i got out of a 3 year relationship about 6 weeks ago and am finally starting to do slightly better. the first 3 weeks were a complete blur but i'm reading a lot of books and posts and articles online, talking with family and friends incessantly, and starting to force myself to move on. oh and by the way, since he broke up with me (over the phone), there has been 0 contact by either of us. today i found out that my ex began dating someone literally a week after we broke up and needless to say, it has been a major setback and i just don't know how to deal. i was finally feeling a little better, but knowing that he was able to move on so quickly has made me doubt everything we ever had. i know some of you have experience similar situations and i'm just wondering what advice you had. how can someone promise you the world and tell you they love you one day and literally a week later have a new girlfriend? i'm having such a hard time with this more than anything, like i said it makes me doubt everything and feel like i'll never trust again.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 8:43pm

I don't know if you saw my post from earlier today about how one of my exes *moved in* with another woman a mere 2 weeks after our 4 year relationship ended...so I can certainly relate. I felt exactly the same way--how could he have loved me as he said he did, yet move right on to another woman?

What I would say, with 20/20 hindsight, is, recognize this for what it is...a *crystal clear* signal that he is not right for you. I know it hurts, I know it makes you doubt what you had together...but the sooner you are able to accept that he wasn't right for you, the sooner you'll be able to move on. I wish I'd taken it that way, rather than focusing on the doubt. It doesn't mean he didn't love you...it just means you're not right for each other. You may well have this experience again, several times even--loving someone who's not right for you. But you have to take the risk, in order to find someone who is. So try not to let the experience scare you away from love altogether.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 10:15pm

Men's approach to breaking up is completely different than ours. Men are not good at communicating. Most people on this board are women because they want to express their feelings even to another stranger somewhere in the other side of the world.
So when you say he has a girlfriend it means nothing but he is trying to fill the emptiness he was left with after your breakup. (I m not saying he is in Love with you here! I m just saying he will have a void after you were not together) Unfortunately, chances are this new GF will suffer when he realized he is able to live his life without someone filling in your position! I just feel so bad for so many women hurting all over the world!! I wish women can learn to take things lightly and to accept themselves the way they are and be happy just being themselves with or without a BF!
Forget him and move on with your life!! you can! Be happy and make this your everyday challenge to enjoy life and learn something new.

cheers!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 10:35pm

Different people deal with break ups differently from others. Some grieve for months and months, some even years and can't grasp the idea of dating someone else. Others jump right into another relationship without hesitation. Perhaps your exbf was already over your relationship months before you both decided to call it quits and when the time came to end things, he was already over it and moved on. I'm sorry to say this, but that is usually how it works. My exbf from years ago did the same to me. We were together for 51/2 years and lived together for 1 year. The day after I moved out he had his ad up on a dating website and already had a few dates lined up. Talk about pouring salt into an open wound. It's hurtful and painful knowing that someone you once shared a life with is already sharing his life with someone else. The thought of it made me ill!! I felt nothing but resentment and anger towards my ex for being so insensitive, but you know what. It was really beyond my control. No matter how much I cried or became angry, nothing was going to change who he was and how he decided to deal with things. And his way of dealing with things was to not think or care about how it would hurt me. What mattered to him was him and what made him happy.

You are doing the right thing by following the NC rule and you should continue to do so.
I know learning the news about your ex was a setback for you. But you will have to just pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get back on that road to recovery and you will be okay. I promise. I suffered a major setback 4 weeks ago, when stupid me broke the NC rule. I paid dearly for it. But I'm okay now and back to the road of healing from my broken heart. And if I can do it, I know you can too. Good luck and happy thoughts!

T.

Edited 11/3/2006 11:43 pm ET by mayday27

Edited 11/3/2006 11:44 pm ET by mayday27




Edited 11/3/2006 11:46 pm ET by mayday27
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 12:56pm
thank you all for your advice...i know you are all exactly right, it just takes a lot of reassurance for me to realize that and to not feel like i'm going crazy. you're all right in what you said. in my head i know that he is obviously not the right person for me if he could move on so quickly and be so insensitive, it's just hard to convince my heart of that. how do we stop remembering the good memories and focus on the bad ones? i feel like i'm starting to get to the "angry" stage, but then i go right back to sad so easily and it is upsetting. not that i want to be angry, but at least if i'm there i feel like i can manage my feelings a little better. at least after this setback, now i know there is no way i am contacting him...i don't want to look like i care at ALL what he is doing, even though i obviously do. thanks again for your support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 1:28pm

Fearless (great name!),

I've been struggling with this myself lately. Breakup was 1 month ago, ex had girl in his bed at the time. He's now seeing 4 other girls at the same time. Wow, it took 4 girls to replace me. Lol.

Anyhow, I can't figure out either how he can just eject Girl A and insert Girl B, however, if I meant that little to him then why waste my awesomeness on him? Not that that makes it any better, but hey, whatever. You have to tell yourself what makes you feel better.

One thing is, I think back now to the beginning of our relationship and realize he never saw ME much. It was all about him and he kept a large part of himself to himself. That and he was hung up on his ex. The darned ex.

There's really no way to know how people move on quickly b/c all guys are different but you can tell yourself

1) It's probably just sex
2) You're the new ex to be hung up on ;)
3) People think in stages, 2 months, 6 months, so probably he'll miss you at some point and want you back
4) Don't go!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 3:06pm
My ex and I were together for about 11 months when we broke up the first time. He was my first major relationship so needless to say it was hard to get over him. What was even hard was the fact that not more than a week after we called it quits, he started dating a mutual friend of ours. She was not a good person at all, and I was trying to help her become a better person after she confided in me. She had a 2 yo beautiful baby girl which she did not pay attention to. She would bring her over and put up her crib in another room while mommy was doing drugs with her friends. Eventually she got into harder drugs and my ex followed down that path. Luckily he snapped out of it and asked me for help. He broke up with her after less than 2 months. Soon after he and I got back together and ended up breaking up again and getting back together again. Now we are broken up, only cause he moved away. This time it is for real though. Anyway the point of the story is that men move on a lot quicker than women. It sucks for us but hang in there and you will get over it. If it helps you, you can villify the other woman if you want. hell, it has helped women before. But don't blame it all on her. you also have to work on yourself during this time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 4:36pm
but i bet you that girl was a REBOUND...so dont worry about it...sooner later he'll realized how a big "J" he was and he'll probably calling you again. so right now show him what he lost...GOOD LUCK
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 9:12pm
I know how you are feeling. My ex proposed to me, then broke up with me a month later. Three days after the breakup I went over to his apartment just in time to see him walking out with a girl and it was way too early in the morning for her to have just stopped by. When I look back on the last few weeks I realize that he may have been with her long before the breakup even though when I asked him about it he said that they weren't. He's been with her ever since. It hurts to much to think about it because it feels like he never loved me and that our whole relationship was a lie. Truthfully, it's just his character and has nothing to do with me. It's a very hard thing to accept, so I know how much you are hurting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 11:32pm
Wow well i can join that club my relationship of two years. He left me for another girl and broke up with me over the internet. But he told me that he is talking to her. And that they are friends. But I know what your feeling. Wanna talk let me know....
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 11:53pm
I know exactly how you feel. My fiancee and I broke up 3 weeks ago, we have a 2 1/2 year old little boy together. Today I found out that less then a week after we broke up he started dateing this other girl within the company we both work for. So, now not only is he dating someone, but I actually have to have occasional contact with her because of my job. When we broke up though, he said he had been trying to tell me for sometime that things weren't working out for him. So, at least 2 months before we broke up he had allready moved on. He's been emotioanlly detached for at least 2 months, so for him, he's allready over me and moving on. Me, I didn't even see this coming so I'm sitting home with a broken heart taking care of "our" little boy.
That, and men react diffrently then women. Where we sit and reflect over a relationship, all they want to do is dive into another one to forget the past. This is someone new for them to screw up with. It's a clean slate for him. Don't take it personally. Plus, as I found out, you never know how long they've been trying to break it off before they tell you. He may have moved on emotioannly quite awhile before he broke it off with you. In the end, we are better then them. We will have learned a lesson from all this, and he will be making the same mistakes over and over again.
I know it's hard, I know how you feel, we all do. Just take a deep breath, and know that time heals all wounds, and there really is the right someone out there for you.

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