Ex never responsed my texts but keeps checking me out on social medias... what does it imply?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2002
Ex never responsed my texts but keeps checking me out on social medias... what does it imply?
4
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 2:27am

First of all, I'm Chinese so I may not be writing perfect English, hope you guys wouldn't mind :)

So.. I'm 27, my ex is 30. I've been with him for 5 months and the relationship has ended 3 weeks ago (he broke up with me)

Things didn't go too well (a bit of uncompatibility but there's def room to improve and solve the problems) plus he was going aboard for a year in Aug (for work - from Hong Kong to Australia). He decided not to pay anymore efforts on the relationship and just ended it. He's totally ignored me and just walked away  - I've asked him to "think about it, let's try to work things out, I can wait for a year and can come visit you inbetween" but he's never responsed to my texts.

I've been texting him explaning myself and suggesting ways to improve our relationship, still, he's never responsed.
I thought he was the one for me so I was willing to wait for a year and continue with the relationship after he returns.
However, his irresponsible actions disappointed me a lot in these 3 weeks.
I was exhausted and decided to remove him from my life.. have deleted him off on all social media sites and deleted off his phone number last weekend for a clear cut (also aim to stop myself from checking his updated status).

However, he's still following my instagram (sometimes "mistakenly" liked my pictures and unliked them immediately) and skout (he's favourited me after the breakup and kept checking out my profile every 2 or 3 days). I have no idea why he's still checking my stuffs out but never talks to me again.  

 

What does he want?

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012

It looks like he wants to keep tabs on your life from a distance... to know what you're doing and perhaps who you might meet.  In other words: he's being territorial, even though he broke up with you.

Can you block him so that he can't see your feeds? I dont' do instagram, so I don't know how that site works.

and your English is very, very good!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2002

Thanks, Kendahke1! 

Actually, the only media that's left for him to "stalk" me is Instagram (the other site, Skout, has nth to do with it, he could only see whether I'm online or not). Maybe I should block him and make him out of my list if I really feel annoyed again...

I've "informed" him before I removed him from the medias last Saturday - texted him that I was disappointed with his silence, didn't know what he wants, and I had the need to unfollow him on all social medias to get myself stop checking on his stuffs and keep guessing what's gonna happen on him. If he figured things out and felt like to contact me, please do at anytime.

I still can't tell what's in his mind. I turned from feeling hopeful about getting him back to feeling hopeless because he's never responsed.

At first, I had so much hope on getting him back. I thought he might just be frustrated about everything and just needed some time alone to figure things out (like: we're not perfect match for each others / he's going abaord / is the relationship gonna sustain for a year in such situation... blahblahblah)

He didn't meet anyone new so I thought the problems could be solved if we talked... the biggest problem was "how to maintain the long distance relationship for the coming year" lol


I kept texting him every 2-3 days explaining myself in a gentle way - about how sincere I am, how much I liked him, how much faith I have in him... etc.

Sadly, he's never responsed, not a single word

I was totally disappointed on the way he dealed with things. All I needed was an official reply from him (he's 30... as a mature person, he should let me know how he thinks, he could just reply and let me know - even if he's not willing to give me another chance)

He still kept all of our pictures (we took like over 100 pictures together) on social media websites and still checks out my stuffs. I don't think he'll initiate any new conversations with me in the future (or in entire life) so I removed him from my phonebook / social medias to stop causing anymore disappointments...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010

Sorry that your xbf broke it off so abruptly without giving you reasons you could understand. That he kept checking you out on social media probably just meant that he was curious about what you would do: would you announce the breakup, would you get a new bf immediately, etc.

I can tell you from experience that maintaining a long distance relationship is hard even for a well established couple with few problems. A young (5 months) relationship that had compatibility issues would be really hard to keep alive. And I hate to say it but its possible that he wanted the freedom to see other women while he's in Australia. Bottom line is that he was not ready to commit to you even when you reached out to him several times. Be glad that you found out now. Blocking him from all of your social media is the best thing, you both need to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2002

Thanks, remdamma!

I have "manually made him unfollow" my Instagram (by blocking + unblock), also set my FB, Instagram accounts PRIVATE so he couldn't see a bit of my news from any medias from now on. It really creeped me out cos he kept silent but remained all of our existing photos on social medias and kept checking out my news feeds, lol.

I had experience on long distance relationships in the past (2-year apart: Hong Kong/ America and 1-year apart: Hong Kong/ England) so I kinda had my way to deal with this (I can fly out up to 2 times a year, each time up to a week or two to meet them). I guess the relationship was young so he didn't have enough confidence in maintaining the relationship. I kinda understand it might not work well like my previous relationships so I've accepted the fact to break up & to unfollow his updates to make myself heal faster.

It was him who brought me to family/ friends gatherings and claimed that he'd like to build up a stable relationship with me / would like to move in once he returns from Australia next year.

Maybe he was afraid that he might not fulfill his promises, so he chose to escape from the situation.

This was his 3rd relationship, I knew it was a difficult situation for him and he might not know how to deal with it.
However, as for me, how he dealed with the break up was just a big mess and I couldn't find a way to end it in a nice way. All I could do is to remove his contacts and pictures and move on.

I'm not sure whether I would like to give it another try even if he returns next year, or sudden texts me when he figures everything out in Australia. Maybe I should spend half more year alone and figure things out, too.