Ex at the same wedding!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
Ex at the same wedding!!
4
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 10:21pm


Okay...here goes! My boyfriend and i just recently broke up and his family has become "my family." His mother and I are very close and still talk quite often. A couple of his cousins are my best friends and have been for years.

Here's the problem.... His cousin's wedding is Dec.31st! I have to be there! The bride is my best friend. The groom is like a brother to me. I am the only single one in the bunch besides him and I have to go alone. I also have to sit alone being as im not "family!" This is very new and very scary for me! i need advice on how to make it look like im calm, cool, and collected!


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 12:01am

I know what this is like. I had to be in a wedding with my ex just two weeks after a very painful breakup (we introduced the bride and groom so neither of us could skip it). It wasn't easy, but I managed to (mostly) stay strong when we were in each other's presence. I had a couple of friends "take care" of me during the reception, just making sure I was doing all right, and not letting me get too sad. And during the times when I did start feeling sad, I would just escape to the bathroom for a little while, wipe my tears, take some deep breaths and then face the party again.

One thing I kept telling myself throughout the wedding/reception was that I was there because one of my best friends was getting married. I had to be there for her the way I hope she will be for me one day. I tried to keep my focus on her and being happy for her and not think about myself and what was going on in my life.

Also, a good piece of advice someone on this board gave me was to stay away from the alcohol. It will only heighten any anxiety, nervousness or sadness you might be feeling. You don't want to have a few drinks and then say or do something that you'll regret or feel embarrassed about the next day.

Though it may be a hard thing to go through, just remember it's just another day. You'll get through it just as you have been getting throug each day before, and just as you'll get through each day that comes after. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 12:28am

Normally im not so selfish, but for some reason i cant seem to get past this panic. i think it may be the wedding and the new year combined. thank you for the advice, i know this may sound dumb but i never thought about going to the restroom to compose myself. I guess i just figured that if or when i lost it i would just sneak out the back door and leave. I never imagined it would be this hard to be alone. Im taking small steps in getting used to it but this is a giant leap compared to the steps im taking.

Kudos to you and the strength that u showed after just to weeks! I dont know that i'd have been able to do that!

I think that i will strongly consider the alcohol advice as well, normally i do very well but under these circumstances....im not so sure that i won't lose my cool.

Thank you so much for the advice and your story! I was very quietly freaking out!
Im starting to calm down thanks to you!! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 9:14am
Get your hair done, a great dress, and dance up a storm. It would be even better if you just stated a simple, "Hello" to him and spend time with other people at the wedding. Look fabulous and force yourself to have fun despite the fact he is there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 7:39pm

Abso-tive-ly.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit