Ex says he wants me back.. does he?
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| Wed, 12-20-2006 - 2:22am |
My boyfriend broke up with me only a week ago. He said he didn't feel the spark anymore, that he didn't feel the same feelings as I did for him, and that he needs to live life without feeling the obligation of tending to my every whim. I was pretty needy.
I understood. I wasn't the greatest girlfriend. It was tough but I managed to keep myself from calling him, and I kept myself occupied so I wouldn't think of him. I learned alot from it, and I realized all the things I did wrong that drove him away. I was doing great accepting what happened, I didn't even think about him all that much. I love him dearly, but the breakup didn't affect me as much as I thought it would.
The problem is, the whole week after we split he still called me and IMed me, sending me text messages.. stuff like that. It makes it hard for me to stop thinking about him and get over it when he does that. If he isn't interested, I don't want him to contact me at all. One day he called and told me he loved me. Later that same day he said he wasn't sure if he meant it. Just today he took me to lunch and then later said he was "in love" with me and wanted me back. It was only a week ago his feelings were completely different. Can a guy's feelings really change that quickly? How do I know if he really means the things he is telling me, or if he's just confused? He changes his feelings too much!

It sounds to me like he is very confused and doesn't know what he wants. I would have a hard time if someone said those things to me and then turned around and changed his mind. How were you needy? And is it that you were truly needy or he just couldn't give you what you needed?
I was in a similar situation. After our second breakup, my ex begged me to come talk with him. He had realized he still loved me. I hesitated but he broke me down and I went to see him. It was like he was a different person. He finally shared his feelings with me, told me he loved me and that I was beautiful(which in 18 months he could never say) and that he knew he needed to communicate better with me. So we started dating again even though he refused to commit to me and reserved the right to date other people. We slowly slipped right back into the same old issues of before. I was putting too much pressure on him and he was not communicating. Then he started dating someone else. End of story. It's been 23 days with absolutely no contact with him or from him. The time I have had without contact has made me realize that even if he wanted me back, I would not go.
I would be cautious. If you did not feel that much of a loss when you were broken up, does that make you question your own feelings? I would recommend cutting all contact off with him and sorting through this. I think it is very hard to know how you truly feel when you are still in communication with them. No IMing, no emails, no talking....
Yes, he has said many times that he is really confused. I was needy with him while we were together because I had a rough year and was under a lot of stress. And I expected him to always be there and to always be with me when I needed him. I shut out all my friends because I didn't care about them, I just cared about my boyfriend. So as a result he felt less like a boyfriend and more like a good friend, or even maybe a therapist!
Our situation is pretty similar. Guys always complain about women leading them on, well they do it too! But you have the right attitude about it. It sounds like he was using you and your feelings for him so he could have his cake and eat it too. What a jerk. I'm glad you are deciding to not go back to him, there are plenty of guys out there who aren't selfish like that.
In my situation, however, there aren't any third parties. I am not interested in anyone else, and neither is he. Neither of us want to see anyone else, so that wasn't really the issue. And he's not exactly gorgeous, so I'm not worried about him having any other women lined up.. heh. The problem is that the way I acted during our relationship made him lose his romantic feelings for me. And even though I am doing Ok without him at the moment, I know in time I'm going to start really missing him, and wishing we were together again. And if he keeps telling me he's in love with me, I'm going to think we will. But with the way he changes his mind so much, how will I ever really know what he's feeling?