the ex is scarying me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2005
the ex is scarying me
4
Sun, 12-25-2005 - 2:02am

I broke down and emailed the BF tonight. I couldnt help, its Xmas eve and i was sad and tipsy. We broke up last week. After two (rocky) years, he said that he wasnt sure he wanted get married and have kids. This was an issue of ours since the beginning, so I had enough and end called it quits. So tonight i asked him in my email the burning question, did he just not want to get married generally or did he just not want to get married to me? His answer was "somewhere in the middle", explaining that he just never has the "fairy tale" love for me. This hurts of of course, but I believe that the more truth the better. I know that he's not the one.

My main concern is how he ended his letter. He says that he feels so guilty and is so sad that he couldnt love me enough that he's having suicidal feelings. He said, "I wish I could just tell everyone that I love them with all my heart, then blow my head off", among other disturbing statements. But he finished with saying he would never actually go through with it. I dont know what to do. Part of me thinks that because he is so self absorbed he's trying to get pity from me. But the on the other hand I'm extremely worried.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sun, 12-25-2005 - 9:08am

YOU MUST TELL SOMEONE about this letter..his family is best..whilst we are not sure of his intentions you cannot take any risk. Having this information puts a lot of stress on you for sure and since you cannot be responsible for his actions you DO need to tell someone who can watch him..it is NOT your job.

I am a therapist and often had to do this...

He may get mad and call you and ask why you told but it's better that he is mad and he is ALIVE.

Do not wait ONE MINUTE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2005
Sun, 12-25-2005 - 11:44am
if your ex has had a history of threats about suicides and stuff like that (like mine, for example) you might want to hold off calling. if he's cried wolf before, it's a better idea not to give him the attention he seeks. he's seeking attention from you and possibly more people (if u give him the chance). you are the one who is in need of attention now, you are heart broken. what a son of a bitch. he's NOT the victim here. Ok. sorry about my anger...but bottom line is, if he's made empty threats before, don't give him your time of day. or forward it to all his friends so they know what a crazy attention whore he is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sun, 12-25-2005 - 3:38pm
I STRONGLY disagree..what if he acts on his impulses..she will be marred with guilt for life...you cannot discern if he is "crying wolf" so take action, take it seriously and call his family NOW..tell them you got this letter, read it to them and ask them to take over since it's NOT your place. Or if there is no family, call the police and ask them to do a well being check..this seems drastic but suicide ideations are serious no matter what...if he is manipulating, oh well, at least he learns not to pull that crap again...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2005
Sun, 12-25-2005 - 9:39pm
Very much agree with you wannaheal. You can't take a chance with something like this. Holidays are a tough time of year, with a significant increase in suicides. For your sake and his you need to let someone know. If not his family, then maybe a good friend that can casually go and check on him and get a better feel for the situation.