ex sent me a letter...
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| Wed, 08-24-2005 - 7:33am |
I am thoroughly confused. :( My ex broke up with me a month and a half ago. We had been together for nine months. I am 34, he is 38. We had no contact for a month.
He emailed me a few weeks ago, told me that he didn't want me to think that he didn't care about me - he only wasn't contacting me because he didn't want to hurt me. And that I could call him/contact him whenever. This confused me because he was the one that had broken up with me.
Last week, he sent me a letter. Telling me that he loves me, that he had been searching for real meaning in his life since we broke up. That he never experienced life as much as he did when he was with me. He said that he didn't realize how lucky he was to have me in his life until I was gone. And that he had taken me for granted. He said that he has never loved anyone the way that he loves me. He then outlined the things that had bothered him/been issues for him during our relationship. (things that I did that bothered him) He told me that he wants to be married, and outlined all of the things that he wants out of marriage. He also acknowledged things that had been going on in his life that had been a hinderance to our relationship. And that he realized that he needed to change his perspective on certain things in his life in order to be in a relationship.
I feel lost. I was doing...relatively good before, considering the situation. Now, I don't know what to do.
I called him several days after I received the letter. I actually did not have hard feelings toward him when we broke up - we both respected each other and cared about each other. (I am trying to keep this short so won't go into all the details.)
I do not know if his letter was sincere. (he had broken up with me once before this final breakup while we were dating.) I told him this on our call. That he had done this twice now. And that he had taken me for granted when we were together. He agreed. That was pretty much the extent of the conversation. And some filler stuff. Not emotional, or anything else. We said goodbye without any talk of future contact. He thanked me for calling him.
I am lost wondering what I should do at this point. I know it is not my place to contact him. My head knows if a man loves a woman, he will do what he has to in order to be with her. His letter did not even state that he felt like he made a mistake or anything of the sort. It didn't even say that he wanted to be with me. He simply stated that he would be willing to talk about these things if I was willing, or if I hadn't yet moved on.
I don't want to have this false hope again, after I had already somewhat gotten past that point!
Any suggestions on what I should do? Has anyone else gone through this with an ex, and gone back, only to be heartbroken again? I don't want to put myself in that position, but I do not know if he is sincere or not!!

kj001...
2 Quick questions from Pianoguy:
"IS YOUR LIFE HAPPIER NOW THAT YOU'RE WITHOUT HIM? OR DO YOU FIND THAT YOU NEED HIS PRESENCE IN ORDER TO FULFILL IT??"
If you have honest answers to the above questions, making the choice to get "reunited" or not should be easy!
Good Luck!
Pianoguy
So...his letter basically put all the blame for the relationship not working on you, is that right (with a small amount of blame for him)? That doesn't sound like a very loving thing to do. I think that if he were now capable of being in a relationship, he wouldn't have phrased the letter that way. I also think he would have said something about going to counseling or whatever to show how sincere he was about making changes.
Because I'm the type of person who needs to know I've exhausted every possible solution, I would probably decide what he would need to do in order for me to consider getting back together and ask him if he was willing to do those things. If he is not, then you need to move on with no contact from him.
Sheri