Ex still on his mind

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Ex still on his mind
2
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 9:17am

A few weeks ago I had my first date with a great guy, and it was great. We really got along, have a lot in common and he's very open and honest about everything. There was simply nothing more I could wish for.

Untill last night he tells me he's confused, because his ex-girlfriend is still on his mind sometimes. And he's frustrated because he doesn't want to get back together with her and I'm way better than her, and he likes every little thing about me, but just can't put her out of his head. And that he felt it was holding him back in our relationship and I deserve him giving himself 100% percent and no less. And he doesn't want to hurt me, and is afraid that if things go wrong it might ruin the training I'm doing at work to get my first job.

I think that everytime 2 people break up there's a good reason for it, and that they should keep that in mind. But I'm having trouble with that right now, because there was nothing wrong, everything felt great, we were great and we both feel the same way. And I can appreciate him telling me, and I know that doesn't want to risk hurting me.

We don't know eachother very well yet, but I know how I feel about him, and what frustrates me most is that I know that he feels the same way. There's so many things we haven't even had the chance to do together. And I know I should move on, but I just don't want to...

I know he has to figure this out for himself first and I'm okay with giving him some time. And I don't want to bug him or keep hanging on to something that might never happen. But I just can't bear the thought that we can't be together for a reason I can't control and doesn't have anything to do with 'us' as a couple.

He told me he wouldn't keep on calling me himself, but that I could txt or call him anytime and for anything. I just don't know whether I should keep contact, or will that make him keep his distance, but I don't want to move on, lose touch and maybe miss out on something great.

Any advice/people who've been through the same thing is welcome.

Thx




Edited 4/9/2006 9:49 am ET by shedevil788
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2005
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 11:00am
honey..you just met the guy...there are a lot to learn about the other person before you get too involved too soon,too fast....this is not healthy...take time to learn what he is all about..and keep other options open at the mean time..if this is meant to be..it will be..he has told you his ex is still on his mind..what does that tell you? RED FLAG!!women tend to ignore these signs and fall fast head over hill for the guys..i know it..i have been there.....what i am trying to say is that you can still hang out with him with a clear mind and learn how to love smart....take care!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2006
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 8:40pm
I swear almost the exact same thing just happened to me. In my case he is debating get back with his ex. Like you, things were awesome between us. Assuming you aren't in the Tampa, Florida area, and that we both weren't suckered by the same guy, you are just going to have to do what I did. I let him know that I like him and told him to call me when he has time to think it through. Basically if a guy is hung up on his ex then you don't have a chance in hell until he works it out. Maybe he will miss you and realize that it is you he wants, but you have to give him the opportunity to miss you first. I know it sucks, I feel the same way. There is also the possibility that for both of us these guys just weren't ready for a relationship so made up the excuse. Regardless, we can't force someone to want to be with us. Get out there and find something else to occupy your mind for now. If it is meant to happen with this guy then it will. Definitely don't let him think you are pining away for him. Let him wonder how stupid he was to let you get away!