Ex texted me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Ex texted me
5
Fri, 12-23-2005 - 12:01am

To my surprise I got a text tonight from my ex just saying that he would call me tomorrow when he got off of work, no apology, no sign of emotion whatsoever. My first response was that I felt very betrayed and I wasn't sure how I felt but that I wanted to talk. Then I snapped myself into reality and sent my second and final response that simply said that I didn't have anything else to say and that I didn't want to continue this anymore. I told him he had given me no choice especially with how he treated me this week and that he'd hurt me too much. I wanted him to know that he chose this with the way he'd treated me and that I finally had the self-respect to say enough was enough.

It was hard but I feel like I did the right thing. I feel "good" about it now but I know I will feel lonely and probably go back and forth in my mind a little bit. Sadly, my response to him was over an hour ago and he hasn't responded at all, I just got the one initial text from him, he probably won't respond. In a way I don't want him to respond either, I want him to leave me alone, for once his ignoring me will be on my terms.

I wanted to talk over the phone and especially in person but then I realized that if he genuinely cared about my feelings he would have called me the first night that he knew I was upset, he would have made the effort if he felt anything like the way I felt for him. He knew I was upset for days and completely ignored me. I felt I ended it in a way that was pretty representative of what he had shown me and I felt that hearing his voice or seeing him would be too much and I might cave.

Thanks for listening to my vent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2005
In reply to: katortott
Fri, 12-23-2005 - 6:16am
First of all, I completely understand why you would want to end this on your own terms. You feel like you have regained control, which is always a good feeling. Also, in simpler terms, you may have felt "good" because you feel like you have created a definite ending or even dumped him instead of the other way around. Finally, you said "sadly, he hasn't responded". That implies you still want to hear from him. Just keep this up. Don't contact him or respond to him. No buts or ifs. If you do, then you can remain your composure and you would keep feeling good about it. Remember, always be classy not crazy. =)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
In reply to: katortott
Fri, 12-23-2005 - 8:08pm

Thank you for your advice. I know I need to ignore him, he hasn't responded to anything I said anyways. I guess a part of me would have liked to have had a conversation but I just don't think he deserves one after blowing me off.

Another thing which is strange, I looked at his profile (I know I will stop doing that), and he changed his headline to something that I can only imagine had to do with me since he updated it late last night after I texted him saying I didn't want to see him anymore. His quote was "cause the last relationship f***** her up". I thought that was really bizarre and he knows I would probably eventually look. Now I'm just beginning to think he's wierd.

If he doesn't think this break-up is because of his problems then there are even bigger issues and I'm definitely through with this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2005
In reply to: katortott
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 7:18am

I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship with him, but it wouldn't be fair for him to blame it all on you either. The very fact that he puts that kinda stuff in his profile shows that he still "cares" somewhat. Or he was pissed off after you blew him off. It's a little immature of him though, to change his profile.

If we stay strong and keep our dignity, it will be our exes who would be low ones (ie. changing profiles to reflect their frustration). So don't do anything to ruin that. Better them than us. =D

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
In reply to: katortott
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 12:09pm

I tried to be adults about it and talk about our issues but he just ignored me so that is why I eventually just sent the text message. If he had called me I probably would have picked up the phone just so I would be the bigger person and give him the chance to talk and to act like adults about it even though he hadn't done that with me. I realized that he just wants to be a 17 year old in a 34 year old's body the rest of his life.

It was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, in the beginning of us talking he was very nice and attentive (well, more so than he had been) and for the last month or so he had just been a total jerk and pushed me away and possibly sabotaged the relationship on purpose. I think he is probably bi-polar in some form or another and as much as I did care about him I don't want a project for a boyfriend.

I am staying strong, it sort of sucks with the holidays being right now but I have big plans for NYE with a bunch of girlfriend's so I am excited about that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2005
In reply to: katortott
Sun, 12-25-2005 - 6:47am
its funny you should mention that he is bipolar, as my bf is as well. i guess this disease is more common than we think. he treats me like crap and then he'll come back later, on his knees. it's a vicious cycle if i take him back, so it's better to just ignore and move on.