"EX" wants to remain friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
"EX" wants to remain friends
2
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 2:48pm
What does it mean when your "EX" wants to remain friends? I don't believe he said it just to make me feel better but I am also wondering if it could be so that I could be his "security blanket" just in case this so called new relationship he is in does not work out. Sort of like a open door policy.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 3:15pm

It's really too individual to the situation to give a "one size fits all" answer. If he broke up with you, he may no longer have romantic feelings for you and truly wants to be friends (and doesn't understand why it's not possible for you yet). He may be saying it to soften the blow of the breakup and ease his guilt. He may want to be a "cake-eater"--have the benefits of your companionship but none of the obligations of a relationship. Or as you say, he may want to keep you hooked in "just in case" he changes his mind.

I'm sure there are other reasons...but these are some that come to mind.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Sat, 04-15-2006 - 12:35pm

i was reading your post and kinda going along with that, my ex and i have been broken up for several months now, and we have tried to remain friends since. at first it was really easy for us to just be friends, but then about 2-3 months ago he started having feelings for others and that really got me hurt, so i backed away for a lil bit, but i was so angry and hurt that i couldnt totally disappear. Well we have gotten into arguments and stuff and he tells me he just sees me as a friend now and doesnt want to lead me on.(There have been times when we did hang out, things got kinda physical--like wrestling around and stuff, but no kissing or anything) and he told me a few weeks ago that he doesnt think its a good idea for us to hang out for a lil while. Reasons going along with that includes he is trying to work on his friendship with his cheating ex who is bound and determined to have in his life, and also so i can move on from him as well. I do in fact want to move on, but i guess i had this naive thought that he and i could be cool friends, hang out with each other sans wrestling, and just have fun and enjoy each other's company.

well these past several days have been really tough on me, ive missed out on several job opportunities and a close family friend of ours is in the hospitol, so naturally i thought i could turn to him for support and for him to be there for me. this was thurs night by the way when i went to him for help. he asked me what time i would be working the next day and told me that he would try to stop by and see me. well yesterday at work came and went, and no signs of my ex. i guess i thought he would truly make the effort to come and see me, make sure im ok since he has been kinda floaty as a friend lately and really let me down in some cases--i thought it could had been his opportunity to step it up and show me he really cares about our friendship and wants to be there for me as much as he says he does.

well after work i just kinda brushed it off and went out to dinner with some friends. i thought id give him a call on my way home to chat with him, but he didnt pick or anything, so i left a voicemail hoping he would call back. I got back to my place and i saw he was online but it looked like he was passed out or something, so i left a message on his aim seeing if he was up, and then i went to bed about an hour later, but i woke up this morning and nothing from him. it really frusterates me bc i would completely be there for him if he needed me and right now is when i need him to be there for me...but he isnt showing it.

and i know that if i bring this up to him, he would say im sorry, im sorry i havent been there for you, i'll try harder...well actions speak louder than words and im tired of hearing words. its like you already have downgraded our friendship by us not being able to hang out, but now all this??

so frusterated with him right now, what would you do? or really why do guys say that they will be there for you, but in reality when push comes to shove, they arent there when you need them??