Explain his behavior???
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| Thu, 01-06-2005 - 3:51pm |
Ok, I broke up with my ex 2 weeks ago because he was preoccupied with his ex, and basically pushing me away. They have a daughter together, so he was always spending time at the ex's house to be with his daughter, although they were both there. He said his distance it had nothing to do with her he just needed to clear his head, they were together off and on for 8 years and she cheated on him most of that time. He was fine and loving towards me until she got dumped by the guy she left him for.
Now HE wanted to remain friends with me after the break up, but then called a few days later to tell me he needed space and we should not talk for a few days, but then he would still email me and tell me he loved me and cared for me, his head was just messed up. I left him alone while he spent New Years with his ex and their daughter, then we talked a few days later and he said he still needed more time. I asked if he was getting back with his ex and he said no.
I still pretty much left him alone, then Monday he emailed me to apologize for being so cold and distant and a "jerk". He told me that he and his ex were getting counseling and he was so sorry for hurting me. I was pretty angry, but after talking to him and crying it out I am starting to accept the situation. The only problem is this...He keeps calling and emailing me, even though I told him that makes it had for me to get over him. If he wants to be back with her, WHY won't he leave me alone...even when he knows it hurts me?

Hi
I'm sorry this happened to you. I know how frustrating it is to be with someone whose heart is never truly yours but tied to someone from the past. You know in the end, I think, it is best to stay away from this guy, b/c if things won't work out with the mother of his child, he may just be at your door trying to get back with you.
As to why he is still contacting you, he is trying to keep his options open. He hopes to leave the door open enough to slither in just in case things won't work out with the other woman. Having said that he is very inconsiderate and immature. He does not respect the fact that you need space b/c he is only thinking abut himself at this point and to him things are going great. To him it appears that since you are OK with letting him go, it is OK to talk to you still.
He is being selfish. You cannot control what he does, but you can tell him to stop, if he continues, you stop picking up the phone when you see his number and delete his e-mails without reading them. You can block his e-mails.
I know how it hurts b/c I have been in a similar situation, and unfortunately if he went back to her now, he will probably also leave you for someone new if he comes back again to you and you take him back. Do not accept any contact from him, he obviously does not listen nor care about your feelings since he refuses to stop contacting you knowing it hurts you.
Please take care of yourself, and try to be positive about your life and not think about what he is or is not doing. Take the necessary steps to move on, b/c trust me it will only hurt you even more if this continues. You deserve so much more than a guy whose heart is stuck in the past.
"If he wants to be back with her, WHY won't he leave me alone"
Because while in counceling with the mother of his child, there is the possibility there of reconciling his family, but it's not a guarantee, only a possibility. So, knowing you are there is comforting to him. He's got sort of a back up plan so to speak. Things don't work with his XGF, then he's still got you.
"He keeps calling and emailing me, even though I told him that makes it had for me to get over him."
Call the phone company and block his number. Block his email address. Take control of the situation he's put you in.
He does realize that what he did is very careless and irresponsible and hurtful for you but he wishes that by keeping you around as a friend you are testifying that what he 's done was forgiven and therefore not a big deal!
I also advise to stay away from this guy. Such guys only bring pain to whoever is with them. Good luck and please remember you deserve better and you will get what you deserve