familar story

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
familar story
4
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 7:48pm
I just read through a few of these posts for the first time and I can see I am in such a similar situation as many of the others. I have been with a guy for practically 7 years. I am now 40 (gulp!) and he is 35. Our whole relationship has been a rollercoaster ride. We did have a few break-ups here and there and one which was lengthy. But this past year, we have broken up once a month or so - all year. I know that I need to just end things with this guy. I have pretty much overlooked all the signs of what the truth is: he has been stringing me along - getting everything he wants out of this relationship - but I have been getting very little. The sad thing is that I have been willing to accept so little to keep him in my life. I had been hoping that after being invested this many years he would 'wake up' and see that we should make a deeper commitment. However, I am realizing that I am the one who needs to wake up. I had sort of a preliminary break-up talk with him last night. I was surprised myself that I said some of the things that I did. he is a momma's boy and has always chosen his mother over me. he can be verbally abusive and obviously a total liar - anything it takes to just keep me around. It is very hard with the holidays being here. We both bought each other gifts and we agreed to coast thru the holidays but now I dread dealing with these feelings and facing his family over Christmas. I am so weak and easily manipulated when it comes to him and I hope that I can stay on this path of trying to get out of this. 7 years is a long time, but we have both changed so much. And he is extremely selfish. I can do nothing to please him. but when he wants me around, seems all he has to do is snap his fingers and I come running. I am ashamed of myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 8:15pm

I can relate to your situation because your personality sounds a lot like mine. My last relationship was the same way. You find yourself giving and giving to the other person with very little in return. I've realized that I deserve someone who will give a lot more to my relationship. Making sacrifices to make the other person happy or even to hold on to them is certainly benefitting them; however, it is only hurting you in the long run. When they don't respond the way you want them to, you become dissapointed in them. But because you are so focused on making that person happy, you're losing sight of yourself and what makes you happy.

You realize what you have to do to be happy again. I've been told this over and over again...there is a guy out there for me and there is the right guy out there for you. Don't compromise yourself. You are number one is the world so the only person looking out for you is you.

Good luck,
GH

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 5:14pm

""he is a momma's boy and has always chosen his mother over me.""

Get out while you can! This will never, ever change. You should be number one in his life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 9:26pm
Thanks for the support! I have really been thinking more logically the last couple of days, rather than focusing on how sad it is for my relationship to not be working. I guess I have to admit that I haven't been focusing on how to make myself happy. Everything has been about him. and too much is just never enough. he says he can tell that I am really really trying to please him but i guess I must be falling short. this relationship has been an uphill battle, and instead of just giving up, I have continued to struggle to make things work. The one good thing is that the other night when we had our blow-out/talk, we both seem to be on the same page in that we admitted we are going in separate directions. The trouble will be partly for me to stay firm with things needing to be over - FOR GOOD THIS TIME. Otherwise, this will never stop. I dread this, with it being the holiday. We are going to try and keep things neutral and get thru christmas. We have already cut back on daily conversations, etc. I just cannot allow him to manipulate me (which he is good at) into sticking around.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 9:28pm
I read your message and I saw a gulp in there? Is this really what you want to do for another 5,6,7 years? If there is anyone in this world that is gonna make you happy and full of life it yourself once you get that no one will ever make you feel like you are someone's beckon call girl. Do what makes you smile don't worry about anyone eles.