Family problems cause breakup
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 05-26-2007 - 10:30am |
I think I just need to vent a bit. I have been dating a wonderful man. Sure we had our problems but nothing insurmountable. So we were happily moving along with our relationship. He is very close to his family and they were all happy with our relationship. Then one family member stirred up some pretty serious problems. This person has a lot of problems and the whole family knows she's prone to doing this sort of thing. Many of them have apologized for what has been happening and say they are sad that we had to break up because of it.
This man and I still want to be together but because of what is going on it has been a problem. If he is with me the one family member pitches a fit and yells at him about betraying the family. The rest of the family is worried about the person's mental health and no one wants to push too far. No one knows how to handle the situation.
We are all really sad. One person's irrational jealousies have caused us to be apart. There doesn't seem to be any solution. We all live in a very small town so it's not like we could sneak around. There are multiple ties between his family and mine in other matters. My relationship with the rest of the family is very good and they all keep telling me maybe things will settle down and we can be back together.
I miss him and his family. I miss his kids and grandkids. It is hard to talk to him on the phone because both of us get so sad. He says that he has never met anyone like me and he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I feel the same about him. My kids love him. His kids love me. I'm just so sad and don't see any way for this to change. It is so hard to get on with life. If we had broken up because we didn't get along it would be sad and then get better. Instead, we have all those what ifs. It's like there is no closure. No end. Maybe I just need to have faith that somehow it will work out but it is just so painful.

lilfarmgal...
Pianoguy's question:
"What's more important...your personal happiness and that of your children...or the WHAT IF'S?"
While the opinions of 'certain family members' might hold a little water...and could very well make YOU or HIM uncomfortable...WHOSE LIFE IS THIS ANYWAY?
When a couple is united in their beliefs...the likelihood of continuing a strong union together IS VERY GOOD! If a couple is going to be 'walking on egg shells' around certain family members (or stupid friends who think they know everything)...the prospects for potential problems will always be prominent! .
Why not set up a date for breakfast FOR JUST THE TWO OF YOU? Keep the kids, the judgemental brother, and all outsiders O-U-T! And get down to the nitty gritty when it comes to what EACH of you wants and expects from the other? If you can arrive at a united front and are in sync with your feelings...AND NOT THOSE OF ANYBODY ELSE...you're gonna make the relationship work for you!
Best wishes and warm thoughts...
Pianoguy
You are right. This isn't a case of a small amount of nastiness. There are some very ugly things that surround our problem. What it gets down to is the person causing problems needs to be confronted. I think he's moving toward dealing with that. I think he's realizing that sacrificing our relationship did not truly change much except that now he has a lot of anger toward that family member. Before it was just frustration.
I will be seeing him sometime this week since he's helping me move. It should give us a chance to see if we're ready to talk now that the problem is several weeks behind us and we've both had time to think. When we talked on the phone last week we both knew that we aren't done with eachother. We're just still at a loss to find a solution that will keep everyone safe. Yes, it's that big of a problem.