feel soooo heartbroken :( HELP!
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| Mon, 07-23-2007 - 1:47am |
ok..heres the story..and please, I WANT THE TRUTH WHEN YOU GIVE ME YOUR OPPINIONS, THE REAL HONEST BRUTAL TRUTH....
my bf and i were long distance for about a year. we would visit pretty much every month. i am/was TOTALY in love and so happy. he seemed to be as well. would always tell me how much he loved me...etc...etc. i went to visit him a few weeks back, and stayed for a few weeks. trip was perfect. romantic, full of love, laughs...JUST PERFECT. so i had no idea anything was wrong.
i get back home and sense that somethings wrong. not that hes acting different towards me, just had a feeling. so a week of this goes by and finally i bring it up, and i ask him if he wants to be with me or not...( WHY DID I ASK? I DONT KNOW...JUST A FEELING THAT I SHOULD)....so that night he breaks up with me. terrible emotional sad breakup. tells me how much he loves me ( MANY TIMES)....but doesnt see a future with me, and doesnt think im the one for him to spend the rest of his life with...says its not fair to keep dating me, and break up in a few years and waste my time.... so i ask, what happend?? what did i do?? he said during the end of the trip, its just what he kept thinking of...that we just arent right for eachother...so we ended it there. obviously i was heartbroken...cried, said i didnt want to be friends and didnt want him in my life.
few days later, he emails me to tell me that i probably think hes happy, but hes not. it was the hardest decision of his life....hes miserable etc. i just say im sorry i dont feel sorry for you-- you did this, this is what you wanted...and asked him not to email me anymore. that i dont want to talk. that same day, he messages me on the computer-- and basically we had a 5 hour long goodbye. tears, i love you's, goodbyes. ofcourse i kept saying i dont want this, and asking if he would ever change his mind and he said " what is meant to be wil be, and if we are meant to be together we will be in the future". said how much he loved me again....etc etc thanked me for loving him ( i was the first serious relationship hes ever had), and that was pretty much it.
ive been EXTREMLY upset, and really honestly love this guy and thought we were happy together. tonight i got drunk and messaged him, and said i missed him. he answerd back and said he missed me too, and he loves me. i said i loved him too :(. bad enough i made a mistake by texting him..i came home SOBER..and emailed him like an idiot. :(
i guess its time to move on? but i still have that hope that everything will change....and it will be back to normal-- but i doubt that. actually, i am positive it wont happen. how can he change his mind? he said i wasnt the one for him..he obviously meant it.
what do you guys think of this situation? anyone think theres any chance of us getting back togehter? what the hell do i do now?i miss him so much :(
HELP!

Hi there.
I am so sorry for your pain. : ( In answer to your question, I am sure you did nothing wrong.
I've been on both sides. I've been the one rejected and the rejector. My last bf, I am 40, positively adored me. He had so many good qualities! Yet, yet, even with him loving me so much, and we had a good time, I just knew that he wasn't the one for me. It didn't mean anything was lacking in HIM, it's just bigger than us, bigger than my will or his. Hard to explain.
I felt tortured breaking it off. I felt so bad because this person loved me and we had such a good time. I felt guilty, too. I am sure your man is in pain, too. I don't doubt it for a moment. It's just that his inner self is screaming something that doesn't reflect on you. Intuition if you will. Mine was, too. It took me forever to act upon it.
I don't know if this will help...it's something I have read in spiritual books. I have read that if you are not right for a person than that person is not right for you. Somehow this brings me peace.
Many hugs to you.
I know honey. I know it hurts. : ( Even when we hear supposed truths like that, we still have the pain. It sucks, I know.
I am 40. I am in a tailspin because an ex from 6 years ago! entered my life last Fall and abruptly cancelled on me without a trace. I am now reminded of all the fun we had and the love. We traveled together and had a great time. I want to travel now but I do not want to do it alone. I am upset with myself that I didn't appreciate him or commit totally. Of course, there were reasons I hesitated. He went on and lived abroad and had a very interesting life. However, his life has not been stable in the least. Each time he went to Europe to live, it "blew up" in his face. He always had to come back to his rich parents and stay with him until he could "fly away" again. This time was no different.
This time he admitted he came home penniless and it was "that bad". He was going to get married (mind you, he would've married me!) probably to a younger gal. But his story is her parents stopped the relationship. Probably because my ex was an arrogant artist! I dont' know.
Anyway, we visited last Fall. He even asked me on a motorcycle ride! He also asked me to a concert! We were going to go skiing and then he just cancelled just like that with a simple email "change of heart" and that I seemed more interested in skiing then being with him. Ugh. How else am I supposed to act? He was going to get married! I wrote back up and down professing that he is important to me, assuring him in everyway possible. I have heard nothing back. It kills me.
Like most people who break up, I have a big desire to "talk" and share my heart. He's closed it on me and I'll probably never know. I did see a medium and she said it's too painful for him to see me! I know his self-esteem is low right now. She said he still doesn't love himself and seeing me was a reminder of that and it is painful. I was surprised at that. It's painful for me to see all he has done, even though it's screwed him up and he is not nice like he was before and is bitter, because I could have traveled with him. Sigh
So right now I am mad at myself. I chose to let him go travel while I stayed here and "took care of business". I feel bored now and need to travel but I hate traveling alone. I hate it. I want to share it with someone I love! He once loved me a lot. My medium says he could not handle the "new me"...and I guess I have to accept that.
You are young. You'll have more chances. You'll find love again, I am sure of it. I had love...let me see, 5 times in my life. Each one different. Just don't break up so often like me...it's hard on a person.
K