Feel like such a fool
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| Tue, 05-30-2006 - 10:56am |
So my ex and I were together for 2 yrs. He had begged me to move from NYC to over an hour away to where he lives. Stupid me loved him so much I finally did, luckly it didn't take too long to find a job here. I moved about 8 months ago. In March we broke up. It was very weird. It went from him telling me one day as he always did that I was his wife his everything to the next day of completely vanishing from my life. He didn't speak to me for 2 weeks. i did not call him at all during this time, but I wanted to, I was beyond devastated and confused.
Exactly 2 weeks had gone by and then when I got home from work one day he was outside my house crying telling me how sorry he was. That he made the biggest mistake of his life. I took him back. Everything was great for awhile. In the back of my head I was still hurt but I was moving through it. However things started to change the past 2weeks. He started taking me for granted again, and I allowed this to happen. I had enough 1 week ago. I had asked him for a ride to work in the morning and it was very odd but he acted as though it was such a burden even though he was going that way. I told him to forget it, I'll take myself, but I was pissed. Later after work we were supposed to go to a friends party. The friend told me she would drive me as I did not want to burden my bf. I called him to tell him that I did not need a reide but was wondering what his plan was and if we would just meet there. He was acting psycho (I have never seen him like this) and asked me if I was going to apologize. What? For what I said? Then he screamed at me on the phone "I'm so sick of you, Go f yourself, Go f yourself, go f yourself" I said Goodbye and hung up. That was a little over a week ago. I haven't heard from him since and I have not contacted him.
I was doing much better last week but this week I'm much more sad. I love him so much but this behavior is crazy. Whrn we broke up before I told him he could never hurt me like this again. I would not take him back again it is just too painful. I still can't believe he hasn't contacted me to at least say sorry. He was not only my boyfriend but my best friend.
Just need some feedback, thanks.

Gosh, I'm so sorry he treated you like that. It's not surprising that you're doing a bit worse this week, because last week you were probably shocked and angry...now the reality that he's not calling to apologize is sinking in.
But now you know...this is who he is...someone who is capable of speaking to his lover and best friend in an appalling way.
I wouldn't be surprised if he shows up or calls you like he did last time, once he realizes you aren't going to call him. Are you prepared for that? What will you do?
Sheri
I don't know. Part of me thinks he really won't contact me because I made it very clear that i would not be there for him if he ever hurt me like that again. Part of me thinks but how can he not. Part of me knows it would be best to just move on, part of me can't imagine life without him.
Everyone around me would be very angry with me for taking him back, but I can't say for sure that I won't. I do love him very much or maybe I just love the person I thought he was.
Also I forgot to mention that he is bipolar. I used to think it was no big deal, like we all get moody and I do think shrinks often over prescribe and over analyze, but in his case I definately see he has a problem and should seek more help. He has not seen a phsycologist since I've known him but he has in the past.
Having been involved with a bipoloar man (who kept going on and off his meds) for 4 years at one point, I would definitely think more than twice about getting involved with another one--I know it's not their fault they are like that but it's very, very difficult to be in a healthy relationship with someone who's bipolar and resistant to treatment. It's very easy to fall in love with the "potential" of someone who suffers from this disorder but you need to accept the reality.
Have you considered getting some counseling yourself to shore up your own resolve about the type of man you want to be with?
Sheri
Yes, I have definately been thinking of going to a counselor. I think it would be helpful to talk to an objective party. I am a very , somewhat overly, independent person, so it really suprises and scares me about myself that i would let someone treat me this way.
Thanks for reading my words and responding. I very much appreciate it.