feeling better...but...confused as hell!
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| Fri, 05-28-2004 - 10:05am |
ok, so here's the problem..if you've read my post about being patient with yourself, you'll know that i've been wrestling with how to let go of my ex, something many people are familiar with. i am weaning myself off of lookin at his aim profile, or reading his livejournal to know whats going on with him.
and i've made it a whole week, which is a big deal for me! im feeling so much better honestly just having cut the cord like that, and i see that although we werent speaking, just looking at his profile and knowing what he was doing was holding me back. i'd look for clues in his profiles and journal about his feelings, and i'd concoct fantasies about us getting back together. it wasnt good for me. so i'm going to try my best not to do that anymore, keep myself busy, have fun and reconnect with people, etc.
but i still cant let go...i still cant let go because i feel like there's so much worth holding on to...because i love him so much, i think about how he wrote me that letter after we split up saying that he hopes i never give up on love, that he wants nothing but the best for me and that he needs to do some growing up and he's sorry. and i realize that there's still so much care, and mutual respect, and desire to see each other grow and live and be happy. and i wonder...should i call him and ask him to take me back? my pride tells me taht is a terrible idea, but my heart says..."but is it?" . should i send him a mail? should i im him? or is the ball in his court? i think it is, it should be, but what if he never acts on this? should i just sit around and let this pass me by?
we should be together damnit. we're GREAT togetehr. should i let this all go? should i take charge? can i really just sit around and wait for him to realize this?
or am i all wrong? are we not good together? is it worth taking the chance?
all this time i've said to myself "Its not up to me. i put forth my all and thats all i can do. he made this decision and its not fair but ih ave to accept it"
but now im like, well, DO i have to accept it?
as;ldkfjad;flkjasd;lfkja dsf ladies. i need some advice. im confused as you can tell.
thanks :D

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Congratulations on making it a whole week w/o checking up on him. My boyfriend and I broke a week and half ago, this week we had a set back by seeing each other and i finally told him i couldn't talk to him for a few months. I think that is the only way to go. I think you really need to let go for now. As hard as that may seem. I think now is the time to focus on yourself. and he needs to realize you're gone and not playing any games.
You will get through this. In the end everything will be alright. You'll eventually get through this and over him or you never know, it could work out...
I feel the same way...we're so good together, can't he realize? They always come back, it's just up to us to decide then, if we still want them.
Stay strong...you will be ok. Focus on the beautiful person that you are. Realize that you deserve the world. :)
But the first couple of weeks were really difficult, and the first day, I was a wreck. My stepmother came over to console me and take me out, and the first thing she said to me as she hugged me was, "Oh, honey, I wish I could fast forward your life."
I will always remember that - when you feel like you're down and you can't stand it anymore, remember how fast time can go by, and time heals.
and if he doesnt want to try then it cant work anyway. and when he wants to try what will i be up to? will i want to?
but what if he never wnats to? it just feels so incomplete. i mean im telling you, we werent fighthing, we werent having any serious problems. and i listen to friends of mine talk about their relationships and i just think of how much better mine was (lol, i know thats not very nice--but really!) we never played any stupid games, we genuinely sincerely loved each other but not in a puppy love way, in a mature adult way where we allowed each other to have space and independence. why is this dying? why is he throwing it away? when i know he's not any happier without me? as;ldkfja;sdlkfjas;ldkfjas;dlkfjasd;lfkjeiwpoanfasjdfklj!!!!!!!!!!
Our situations are very similar. My boyfriend and I had a good relationship too. We prided on our personal growth, communication, maturity and independence. We always felt we had a better relationship than most married couples. I, too, see and hear about other relationships and think, how ironic, they have a terrible relationship, yet they are still together and i'm the one dealing with a break up? It doesn't seem fair.
For my situation i feel it's timing. he's just not ready to settle down. Maybe he got scared, i dont know. i am also torn between getting over him and still believing it could work thinking he just needs time, he'll realize.
Just think, this could be the best thing that ever happens to you. This is what keeps me going. You could meet someone who is like your ex, but better. Or you guys could grow so much from this separation and come back together.
As you can see i am not ready to let go of my own relationship. I know i have to get over him, but i still hold out hope for the future.
You will be ok, no matter what happens. Just give it time.
FromLB
timing is a huge part of my problem too. but that seems like something we can conquer. im not afraid of conflict, im not afraid to try, i dont believe there is such a thing as aperfect relationship and i think what we had was good and worth saving. but its not up to me, he took control and he made a decision that i think was the wrong one for the both of us. and im int he same situation as you in that i know i'll hav eto get over him but im so reluctant to let go...thats why i was checking his profile & reading his livejournal all the time. but i know thats a bad idea, so im not doing that, yet even STILL i hold out a slight hope, i dont want to let go. i just feel like its worth fighting for...but then i feel like its not my fight anymore...its just so hard.
i know its all about time. and i know that something good will come out of this one way or another. but i dont think i want somebody else, i want HIM . im not the kind of girl who needs a bf to feel good about myself, im capable fo being single. i want THIS guy. i want THIS relationship. damnit damnit damnit...this is just consuming me...
i know EXACTLY how you feel. and i almost want to do the same thing, email him, call him, blah blah.
but you know what? no. HE passed me up. HE knows what he did. HE'S willling to accept the consequences, and it's something HE'LL have to live with. its HIS mistake. not mine. so i'm not about to go and change or beg him to take ME back. HE'S the one who ended it.
save your pride for someone who's worth it. i know you think he is right now, but trust me. like my ex, he's really not. if he was, he would know what he's passing up and HE would do something about it. its not your job to try and make him see how good you guys are together, and its not your job to help him solve HIS issues.
try maybe being angry about this whole thing instead of being upset or thinking about it too much. i'm finding for the last 3 days its helped me to be angry about it, as opposed to upset. i've been keeping myself busy.... even if it means playing with my cats. as long as i'm doing something i dont think about him. and thats the way i want it. until he comes crawling back.... i dont wanna think about this anymore.
beig angry about it isnt good either, but i find its easier to be angry about it than upset. if you have to feel any emotion towards this still, i'd say thats the better of the 2. these guys are not worth our tears anymore, and time is the best thing for both of us. the guys need some time without us, they need some time to reflect on things, and eventually, they'll grow up, and relize. i think both of these men are a bit niaeve and immature when it comes to this. i don't think they quite relize what a relationship is supposed to be, that its supposed to be a 2 way street. that you're supposed to give it a chance before you quit.
think of it kinda like a lost dog.... the dog leaves home.. gets lost, sad, hungry... cold... (beat up by other dogs? lol), then it always finds its way home. but in the mean time, carry on with life. either these guys will relize, or they won't. if they do, when he comes back, you can decide what it is you want to do, and if its worth this much heartache again. and if he doesn't come back, then you know. then you know that you cared for him much more than he did for you, regardless or what he's saying now. then you know you're better off without him.
i hate the fact that im probably caring for someone ALOT more than they care for me, but guys have a different way of expressing emotion. it could be ripping him apart, and we'll never really know. they don't cry, they don't over analyze once it's over, they act as if its not borthering them. but thats how guys deal.
so really, i know everyone says it, but only time will tell. thats about all the advice people can give us anymore. time. time, and more time. either way it'll work out for the best. to them, we can be forever known as "the one that got away."
its their problem to deal with. we've done all we can do. and now like you said, its just getting pathetic. so keep yourself busy, take up painting or something. get a pet. hang out with friends.
cosmo--you're right about the anger, it is a more productive emotion than sadness. i guess though, what im feeling is more frustration than sadness. its been 2 months for me, so id id the angry thing for a while, and i did the miserable thing, and now im somewhere in between. and i am keeping busy, like, my friends are always telling me how impressed they are at how i've seemed to bounce back--on the surface i seem a lot better to people. i keep busy almost every day, i meet up w/ friends, im reading more, i mean im relaly redisocvering a lot of the things i love about being single.
i guess the point im trying to convey is, no matter how much progress i make, there is a lingering voice int he back of my mind saying "what if...". i feel liek there's so much worth saving in this relationship, and it irritates me that i dont really have the control to initiate that.
but you're right cosmo, that it is up to these exes of ours to have that same feeling and to come back. if they dont come back, its their loss, and something good will come out of this break up no matter what. either our exes will realize what they did and try things out again, or somebody even better will come along. and since we know how good we used to have it, we wont settle for anything less anyway!
so thanks again and good luck to all of us :)
i called him :~(
i used the excuse that he left some of his hangers here in my closet and i was calling to see if he needed them. lame i know.
so whatever. niether of us really had anything to say... i just asked him how he liked his new place, what he's been up to. etc. and uh yeah. nothing came of it or anything. i didnt want to make it awkward. so i just told him i was calling to see if he wanted his hangers. :| then i told him i'll talk to him later... i just wanted to hear his voice one more time. then once i did, i wanted to hold him, i wanted to drive over there and just not let go of him..
HELP ME. WHY AM I DOING THIS????? normally i dont act like this!!!! i was doing so well. i went 4 days without anything of him, no contact, no thoughts really... nothing. then i cracked. :( god i miss him SOOO much.
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