Feeling Depressed

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Feeling Depressed
6
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 11:56am
It's been over a month now & I can't stop thinking about how he hurt me 24/7. I feel like I can't function & not a day goes by that I don't bawl my eyes out. I feel like I am trying to climb out of quicksand & I can't. THis feels so terrible. WHen does this all go away? Sometimes I want to fastforward to the future when I am over this, but mostly I want to rewind to the past when we were so happy. I miss him so much, it's killing me inside. I want to call him so bad, but I know he will probably not answer & that would hurt more. I don't know what to do with myself. I've been writing, reading books, talking to family & friends (which I feel they are probably sick of hearing about it). How do I climb out of this hole??? Anyone else felt like this & made it through??
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kbi22
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 12:06pm

We've ALL felt like that and if we've gone through more than one breakup in our lives, we've made it through to the other side.

When does it go away? It depends on many factors, but probably the biggest two are how long your relationship was and whether you've had contact with your ex. Without contact, and if you're working hard on accepting that it's over and that the two of you aren't right for each other, I've found that the rule of thumb of half the time you were in the relationship (for r'ships two years and under) is pretty accurate.

You won't feel THIS bad the whole time though...it's a process.

I find going to movies (in the theater, not watching them at home) is really helpful...it takes you out of yourself for a couple hours at a time. I've been known to go to 3 a day if I'm having a really rough time ;-)!

Sheri

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to: kbi22
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 11:55am
I feel the same way. There are days that I'm fine, then there are days that I want to call my ex so bad. I know that I shouldn't call him or e-mail him. He cheated on me. I know I can do better, I just can't help but thinking of all the good times we had.
I find that getting out of the house makes me feel better. When I am just sitting at home, my mind tends to wonder. Try to find something that challenges you. Take a class or take up painting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
In reply to: kbi22
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 12:29pm

Welcome to iVillage, we're so glad to have you participating this week as a "guest".

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
In reply to: kbi22
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 2:14pm

Well it's only been a month, so don't be too hard on yourself. You're allowed to feel sad and depressed. As cliche as it is, many people will tell you time is really what will help heal... I know it probably doesn't make you feel really great to hear that, but that's how it works.

There have been many postings on here, myself included, where we all said we wish we could "fast forward" thru the agonizing part of a breakup. You will get there. Keep yourself busy (like you are doing), hit the gym, maybe take up a class, volunteer somewhere, anything to not allow open time to just sit and wallow in misery. Make yourself so tired that by the end of the day you're too exhausted to think about things!

Have you tried talking to a therapist? Just another option, might help you sort out your feelings or try and speed this process up a bit.

hang in there!

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to: kbi22
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 6:32pm
Hey sweetheart,

I know exactly what you are feeling. I went out with a guy for a couple of years and then before he went to college he broke up with me and let me tell you, it hurt so much. I became so depressed that I wouldn't get out of bed in time for school and ended up missing almost a month of school. When college rolled around, i went to one that was close to him and I ended up failing my first year because I was still missing him and wouldn't get up and go to my classes and if i did end up going i would go in my pj's and never bother to look nice. I always looked for a guy just like him and it made me even more miserable because no one can be like anyone else. Finally after several months I just told myself I need to get on with my life. I did this by doing my best not to think about him and what he was doing. I quit calling and emailing him. I just pushed him from my mind completely. Just say to yourself, I will not think about him and go out with your friends and have a guy free night. It may seem easier said than done but believe me, it works. I was a total wreck and never thought that I would be better. Trust me, you will. I promise. Just DonT think about him. You can only grieve for so long before you start to miss out on your life. It's your life, not his, don't make it his, you are letting him control your feelings, remember, your feelings don't belong to him anymore, they are yours. Don't give him that prize, especially the one he doesn't deserve. He lost someone that loves him and that's his loss. Take back your life and live it to the fullest, you'll be so happy you did. I wish you the best of luck since I know what you are going through.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
In reply to: kbi22
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 11:51pm
I feel like this right now and cannot wait until I have made it through. Our happy days were long over so I don't long for that anymore, i long for the days before I met him when I was happy being single.