feeling empty inside
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feeling empty inside
| Thu, 01-27-2005 - 11:34pm |
I have been dating my boyfriend for four and a half years. I am 23, so a lot has changed for me since we started dating. I am almost done college, and ready to start the rest of my life. My boyfriend never finished high school, and has a lot of trouble finding a job. He recently moved to a different province because he was offered a job there. We have stayed together, as his job was supposed to be temporary. He has been gone for almost 3 months, although we talk about every other day. Over this time I have done a lot of thinking, and have realized that the reason I stayed with him for so long was because I needed someone with me, and because I was so comfortable. Now that he is gone, I feel that our relationship was only held together by my fear of being alone. I have been seriously considering breaking up with him. Its not because I want to date other people, but because my life is going in a new direction and I need to go there on my own. The problem is that I am still terrifed of being alone. I know I shouldn't stay with him for that reason, but I am afraid that I will never end it because of that fear. Anyone been through this before? I would really appreciate some advice.

Dear alli ram
I understand your fear. It's scary to face the world on your own after all the time you were with your bf. I know it's very hard because I've been through it myself when my ex broke up with me. I felt like I can not do anything alone. I felt like I need his support on everything. But you know what, things are not as bad as I imagined them to be. My life is still going on, quite smoothly (after I got over my pain of losing him). I feel more and more independent each day. It's a nice feeling.
I know it's good to think that you don't have to do anything alone if you are in a relationship. But as you wrote yourself, you were only with him because of that. It's not good for yourself and him as well. Make your decision. I know it's hard but you can do it.
I wish you all the best with your future.
Those feelings are understandable. You've been with this BF of yours for all of your adult life thus far. But haven't you essentially been "alone" these past three months? You've been doing pretty good for youself since it's been LD, and you've come to realize that you aren't with him for the right reasons. Not once did you say you loved him, and the title you chose for this thread is "feeling empty inside". You get that empty feeling because you're selling out. You're a volunteer hostage to the unknown. It doesn't feel good and fulfilling to betray yourself.
So you break up with him. It's the fair thing to do for you both. You've been surviving the past three months, sort of weening off of him. It won't make it easy, but realize that being alone with yourself is better than being together with the wrong person. Don't let your fear own you.