Feeling like a fool

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2005
Feeling like a fool
4
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 1:54pm
I wouldn't say I am devastated but I've been dating someone for the past three months and i really thought he was THE ONE. Then all of the sudden, his profile appears back online (we met on match) and he says he doesn't know how it happened. Like a fool, I believe him. Then three days later, he tells me he put it back on there because his subscription is getting ready to expire and he wanted to see what else was "out there". Mind you, the day before that, I was still his girlfriend. I'm not having trouble with kicking him to the curb (I can put up with just about anything BUT lying), I'm having trouble with all the things I shared with him and how he just took all that and trashed it. Not to mention, he knew I had just come out of a bad relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 2:39pm
Awww, thats gotta hurt, finding his profile up before he let you know he wasn't that into it anymore. And now starting all over, hugs to you. You are by no means a fool for putting yourself and your heart out there. However, are you allowing yourself enough time to heal from a previous relationship? Did you go too fast with this guy and expect too much too soon? Maybe he lead you in a direction and changed his mind, but maybe take things a bit slower??? Just suggestions to keep yourself protected. Sometimes though, things just don't work out, so you try again :( keep your chin up! Hugs
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2005
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 3:10pm
I probably didn't allow enough time to pass. But we had so much in common (religion, thoughts about raising kids, etc.) that it just seemed so right. And early on I told him what my expectations were and what I could and could not deal with. When I think about all those hour, two hour long conversations and the things we talked about, it just makes me think there is something wrong with my radar. Because he seemed so right. My family loved him, friends loved him, and he seemed to be totally in to me. I think the thing that is bothering me so much is that I seemed to MATTER to him and then bam! all of the sudden he could care less. I just don't get that. He said something about the pace being to fast for him. Well, since he was the one making all the phone calls and plans, how does that become my issue? If he felt like things were going too fast, why didn't he just slow down? He was actually sort of stunned when I told him I couldn't date him if he was going to date other people (I just don't think my boyfriend should be with other women, I'm funny like that). And when he walked out of my house A) he wanted to leave a poster and some stickers or something for my son (no thanks, we don't need parting gifts) and B) he muttered GOOD LUCK under his breath. As if I was the one with the problem. And he's just walking around like he did nothing wrong. "I'm a single man," he says to me. "We are not married and if someone asks me out, I'm going to say yes." What the heck is that? Not 24 hours prior to that, I was his gosh darned girlfriend!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 3:29pm

Geez, it seems he did a 180 on you or split personality raised by wolves. I don't know how someone can go from caring and into you, to "i'm single and will go out if someone asks me". Did he have kids? I wonder because I am a single mom too... and awhile back,there was this guy that I broke up with because we didn't mesh at all, and he said "good luck" to me as well, and said, "you'll regret this, not many guys are willing to take on a single mom" And I was thinking, how conceited!

It does throw us for a loop when we start to fall and they think they are god's gift to women, lol. I'm glad you explained more of the situation, sounds like you were just out there and you found a bad apple :(
Parting gifts? thats funny, guys are so weird. You stay strong! And don't let this get you too down, you and your little one deserve a lot more!
a big and a little hug!
Grace

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 4:35pm

I'm sorry for what you're going through. So many relationships seem to end at about the 3-6 month point, when the "real" person comes out. What I have started to do in self-defense is really stay skeptical until we've been dating for at least 4-6 months--for example, I keep telling myself, "yeah, he SEEMS great, but it's early on and time will tell".

Another lesson I've learned is that a guy who comes on really strong at the beginning is very, very likely to turn and run away just as suddenly. Many men seem to get caught up in the "fantasy" of a new, seemingly perfect r'ship, and don't exercise good judgment in keeping a slow, steady pace, and are REALLY irresponsible in getting carried away and saying things that I'm sure they mean at the time, but without regard for the fact that you think they REALLY mean them. It's up to YOU to be self-protective and "just say no" to a fast pace, and to take everything that is said in the first few months with a HUGE grain of salt.

Sheri